Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“I told myself I was doing right by you, giving you the best opportunities, trying to push you to want more, and in that, I made you feel like there’s something wrong with who you are and the choices you make. I won’t make excuses for myself. When I set my mind to something, I don’t back down. I’m aware of that. Sometimes that’s good, like when we found out we were pregnant with you, then college and things like that. Other times…it’s not ideal, like when it comes to my hopes for you. I decided you were going to be just like me, follow in my footsteps, want the same things, and then I couldn’t see past that. I put my wants and choices on you. Once I was on that path, it was hard to back down, but I was wrong, JT. And I made you feel like you don’t make me the proudest father in the world, and that’s my biggest regret. I don’t care what your job is, or if you go to school or not. I want you happy. I want you in my life. That’s the only thing that’s important.”
For a moment, I’m not sure I heard him right. My heart thuds in my ears, making everything sound far off and echoey.
“You’re a good man, JT. A good person. You’re strong and kind and know who you are. And I’ll never forgive myself for trying to stifle that,” he adds, making my eyes sting. It takes everything in me not to wrap him in my arms. Not to tell him it’s okay. He’s my dad, and I love him, but…
“You hurt me.”
“I know. I’m so damn sorry. I know I can’t fix the past, but I want a chance to change our future.”
I shove my hands in my pockets. “I’m sorry too. I know I hurt you… We hurt you. We didn’t mean to, and I miss you so much, but I can’t do this if you can’t accept Marshall. If you love me, you have to love all of me—the parts that are with him, that want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’m not asking you to understand. I’m asking you to accept me anyway… To accept us.”
He smiles at me, tears in his eyes. “I’m so damn proud of the man you are and the way you stand up for what you know is right and those you love…and he’s the same. Both of you are led by your hearts. It’s a good match.”
And for now, I can’t ask for anything more. “I love you, Dad.” I throw my arms around him, Dad returning my hug, squeezing me so tight, I can hardly breathe.
“I love you too, son.”
I don’t expect perfection from him, any more than anyone can expect it from me. Life is full of lessons, of learning and growing and changing, but I know we’ll come out of it at the other end better than where we are now.
We walk and talk for a good hour. I tell him about culinary school, and about me and Marshall some too, and he listens. We end at my car. Dad hugs me again, tells me he loves me, then watches me get into my car and drive away.
As soon as I come inside the house, Marshall’s head snaps up, eyes meeting mine. “Are you okay?” He’s already moving toward me.
“I’m happy.” I lose myself in his embrace, knowing he’s happy too.
EPILOGUE
JT
Two years later
“Wow. This is delicious, JT,” Dad says as we’re sitting around the table at the house I share with Marshall. I officially moved in right after their trip to Asheville. Talking to both my parents got our family on the path to healing. We’ve had our ups and downs, had to make adjustments to relationships—between how everything worked before I went and fell in love with my dad’s best friend, and how things are now. It hasn’t been perfect, but really, what in life ever is? What matters is that everyone has put in the work, and we all love, respect, and want what’s best for each other.
“Thanks. It’s taken me weeks to get it right. Poor Marshall had to try about ten versions.” I wink at my Sir. There’s a ring on my finger and a collar around my neck. We’re not married, but we’re engaged, and as much as the ring means to me, the collar means more. The ring is what society tells us we should want, but more importantly, what queer people have had to fight for the right to have. The collar is just for us.
“Somehow, I don’t think he minds,” Mom replies, and we all laugh. “And it really is good.”
I’m still in culinary school, but I’ve also been training with Marty at the restaurant. I love it more and more each day. For a while I worried that maybe once I cooked more as an actual job or went to school for it, it would take the love out of it for me, but so far, that hasn’t happened.