Total pages in book: 59
Estimated words: 59671 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 298(@200wpm)___ 239(@250wpm)___ 199(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59671 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 298(@200wpm)___ 239(@250wpm)___ 199(@300wpm)
It has to.
Elliot
I pinch the skin on Kate’s stomach and slide the needle under her skin.
“I’m getting a pro at this.” I smirk. “I would have made a great doctor.”
Kate bends and kisses my head. “Dr. Love.”
I smile and stare up at Kate and sit back on my feet. “The last injection.”
She nods and smiles sadly. “I know.”
Twenty-four rounds of IVF over three years.
All failed.
This is our last try.
They call it unexplained infertility.
The eggs are great, the sperm is good, it goes great in a test tube but as soon as the embryo is transplanted it doesn’t take.
There is no reason.
I think it would be easier to take if there was, because then we would know what we were up against and we could fix it.
But this….
I stand and pull Kate to me for a hug, I hold her tight. “This is the last time, sweetheart.”
She nods through tears. “I know. I have faith it’s going to work out this time, El.” She smiles into my shoulder.
I squeeze her harder.
I wish I did.
“If this doesn’t work out, we move on with our lives, Kate. We can’t do this forever.”
“I know, baby.” She nods. “I gave you my word, this is it.”
“I have to go to work.” I sigh.
She gives me a lopsided smile as she straightens my tie. “Have a good day, Dr. Love.”
“I will.” I kiss her softly. “Paint me something amazing today.”
She smiles. “Don’t I always?”
I kiss her again and my hands go to her behind. “You do, actually.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I make my way out to the car and drive down the winding driveway.
My mind is running a million miles per minute.
I think I’m going to book a long vacation for the end of the month.
I guess it’s going to go one of two ways, we will either be celebrating the start of our new life or commiserating as we close the door on a dream.
Either way, we need a fresh start.
It’s time to start living again.
Kate
My phone buzzes in my bag and I dig it out, a familiar name lights up the screen.
Emily
“Hi, babe.”
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Nervous.” I hunch my shoulders up. Emily, my sister-in-law, has become my rock.
I’m close to all my sisters-in-law, but I have a special bond with Em. We are probably the most alike and she’s become one of my best friends, we speak every day.
“You should hear soon, right?”
“Yep.”
“Are you going to do a test today?”
“No, I’m going to wait until they call me. I just….” I exhale heavily. “I’m so nervous.”
“It’s going to be positive; I know it.”
I nod. “Yes, positive thoughts.” I smile hopefully. “You’re right.”
“Call me tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“How’s Elliot?” she asks.
“Quiet.”
“Jeez.”
“It will be fine, either way, we’ll be fine.” I smile hopefully.
“Yeah, you’re right. You will. It’s going to be fine. Love you.”
“You too, bye.”
I wake to a deep ache in my stomach and I roll onto my back and close my eyes.
No….
My period is coming.
I look over to Elliot who is sound asleep beside me and then back up at the ceiling.
So close….
A hot tear rolls down my face and into my ear.
I get a vision of what our family could have been….
I screw up my face in tears and roll into a fetal position on my side.
My heart aches.
How do you let go of a dream?
I should wake Elliot and tell him but what’s the point.
I’ll let him sleep.
I get up and go to the bathroom and get out a sanitary pad and stare at it in my hand, I screw up my face in tears.
I slide down the tiles and sit on the floor. In the darkness, alone….
I sob in silence.
Elliot
I roll over and put my arm out to Kate, her side of the bed is empty. I sit up onto my elbows. “Kate?” I call.
Silence….
“Kate?” I get out of bed and go in search of her. “Kate?” I walk into the bathroom and see a pack of her sanitary pads on the counter and my heart drops.
Fuck.
I walk back into the bedroom and sit on the bed, I put my head into my hands.
I don’t know how to make this better.
For a long time I sit, mustering up the courage to find her. Trying to think of the right thing to say when I do.
We are nothing special, this happens to a lot of people, I know that.
It’s just a lot more real when you go through it.
How long has she known?
Why didn’t she wake me? Is this all about her, is it?
Suddenly I’m angry.
I march downstairs and out to the art studio. As I get closer I can hear loud music playing. Heavy metal shit music, I’ve never heard her play this before.
I frown. What’s going on here? I slide open the big barn door to see her splatting paint all over the painting she’s been working on for weeks.