Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 129207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 646(@200wpm)___ 517(@250wpm)___ 431(@300wpm)
The tears roll down my face, and as I continue to his closet, I crumble to my knees, seeing all of his old clothes, but mixed in with the musky dust in the air, is him. I can smell him on his clothes, on the blankets stacked on the shelves, on the designer suits he absolutely hated.
My face falls into my hands, and as I sit here and cry, the grief comes up and claims me. “Oh God,” I cry, clutching one of the old blankets and pulling it to my chest, holding it so damn tight, I could almost imagine it is Axel.
Heavy sobs pull from deep in my chest, and I struggle to catch my breath. “I miss you,” I tell his empty closet. “You didn’t deserve to go, and I hate that you did, and I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. I needed you there, not just these past two years, but all the time. I need you now. I need you to make everything okay because I’m falling apart. I’m so broken, Axel. I don’t know how to fix myself.”
More tears come, and I wipe them on the blanket. “I wasn’t good to you. I wasn’t a good sister. I should have been better, but I blamed you and Ezra for everything. I was in so much pain, and I needed to blame you, and that wasn’t fair. I put so much distance between us because I was so hurt and angry that you left me behind to endure all that hell. I was too blind to see that you thought you were doing what was best for me. You wanted me to have school, a home, and a path to my dreams, but you didn’t know what was waiting for me at home, and I hated that you couldn’t see everything I hid from you. I needed you to save me, but you were gone, and I was too afraid to speak. You were my protector and you left me all alone.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat, needing a minute to find some composure. “It’s not fair,” I whimper, hoping somehow, somewhere in this universe he’s listening. “It should have been me who died. You didn’t deserve this. You had so much more to achieve, so many dreams and tours to conquer. It would have been easier if it were me. You were my favorite person in the whole world. I love you so much. I miss you so much it hurts. I just . . . I need one more hug. I just need to hear your voice telling me that everything is going to be okay. I need you, Axel. Please.”
A moment of silence passes when a soft knock sounds at the door of the closet, and I whip my tear-stained face back to find Ezra hovering in the doorway. “Sorry,” he murmurs, his heart on his sleeve as he watches me fall to pieces on the ground. “The security company called to say someone was in the house.”
I nod, trying to wipe the tears off my face, and he doesn’t hesitate stepping into the closet and offering me his hand. “Come here,” he says as I take his hand. He pulls me to my feet and instantly wraps me in his arms, pulling me tight against his chest when I allow the tears to flow freely.
He scoops me up, bridal style, and drops down on a small bench, where he simply holds me, allowing the tears to run their course. “It wouldn’t have been easier,” he tells me, making me wonder just how much of my sob-fest he heard. “If it had been you . . . It wouldn’t have been easier.”
“It would have been for me.”
“Don’t. Don’t say that,” he says, getting upset. “You really think that? That life would have been easier if you were the one who died?”
“Yeah,” I say bluntly, no hint of hesitation in my tone as I push myself out of his arms and scramble to my feet. “A million times, yes.”
Ezra throws himself to his feet, shaking his head, instantly starting to pace through the closet. “Don’t say shit like that, Raleigh,” he says, rarely using my full name. “You’re fucking lying. You did not want to die.”
“Every fucking day I did,” I say, stepping in too close, making sure he truly hears me as I feel every last bit of my control fall away. “You have no idea what I went through after you left, what hell you and Axel left me to endure, and believe me, had you known, you would have preferred I was dead too.”
“The fuck are you talking about?” he demands, his eyes wild.
I shove my hands against his chest as the words I’ve kept hidden for so damn long come bursting out of me in a fit of rage. “YOU LEFT ME WITH HIM!”