Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 67492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Right now, I need to get to Blakely.
My eyes scan the room, looking for Blakely. I’ve been stopped no less than ten times by people telling me “Merry Christmas” and how happy they are to see that my work schedule freed me up to attend this year. I guess I know what excuse my parents have been making for me for the last four years.
When my eyes finally land on her, I take my first full breath since she told me this was what her plans were for the evening. I push through the crowd, not stopping for anyone else. I have a singular focus.
Blakely Kincaid.
Her eyes light up when she spots me. She’s talking to my dad’s partner in his cardiology practice and his wife, Sheila.
“Excuse me,” I tell them. “I need to steal my girl.” I don’t wait for a reply. I lace my fingers with Blake’s and lead her down the hall to the kitchen and into the mudroom. “We need to go.”
She pulls her hand out of mine. “No. I’m having a wonderful time. Thank you for asking.”
“Dammit, Blakely, you can’t be here. Not here.” I run my fingers through my hair.
She reaches up and does the same. “Looks like you’ve done that a time or two today,” she comments as she presses her hand against my cheek. “Did you leave this for me?” she asks sweetly.
I place my hand over hers. “I can’t be here, Blake. We have to go.” I try to keep my tone soft.
“I’m staying. You can go. I’ll come by your place in a little while.”
I exhale and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’ll give you anything but this. Please, baby, let’s go home. I… I don’t know why you won’t come with me. I don’t know what you want. Why are you here when I need you at home with me?”
“I’m here because I was invited. I’m here because your parents love you and they miss you. They want you to be a part of this, their annual tradition. I’m here for you.” She pauses and steps closer. Her hands cradle my face as she peers up at me under long lashes. “As far as what I want? That’s easy, Oliver. I want you to be merry with me. I want you to be able to leave the past behind you and look toward the future… maybe even a future with me,” she says, and there is so much fucking hope in her voice, it’s heartbreaking. “If you can’t do that, Oliver, then I don’t know what we’re doing. I love spending time with you. No, it’s more than that. I’m in love with you. I’ve never said those words to someone who wasn’t family.”
“Baby….” My throat is thick as I try to swallow.
“I don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, but I needed to tell you for me. I needed you to know that you’re not just some guy I’m dating, Oliver. You are the love of my life, and I want to share my life with you. I want to be merry with you, but we can’t do that if you don’t let the past go. Leave it in the rearview mirror where it belongs.”
“Blake—” I start, but she shakes her head, stopping me. She drops her hands from my face and offers me a sad smile.
“This is who I am, Oliver. I love all things Christmas. I enjoy spending time with my loud, sometimes crazy family and celebrating the smallest of events to the holidays. That’s who I am, and you despise that.”
“Not you.” My voice is like gravel. “I don’t despise you.”
“You despise what I love.”
“Blake, you know that’s not true.” She does, right? She has to know what she means to me.
“Then stay. Be merry with me. Forget her, release the pain, and let’s move forward together. You’re letting them control your life four years later, Oliver. Don’t let them.” She smiles, but it’s not my smile. It’s not the one I’m used to seeing from her. This smile is sad, and if I’m not mistaken, disappointed with a shimmering of unshed tears.
Then she turns and walks away, taking every piece of me with her.
I don’t want to be here, but I want her here without me even less. So, I follow her, keeping my distance but watching her intently. She smiles and laughs, and it seems as though everyone wants to talk to her. To my girl. I understand it, because if I could, I’d glue myself to her side every minute of every damn day.
Be merry with me.
Her words run through my mind. I want to give her everything. I just don’t know if I can. I think about all the time we’ve been together, and it’s been different than anything I’ve ever shared with another woman. Even Hannah.