Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 86240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86240 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 431(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 287(@300wpm)
My response was a defense mechanism. Regrets I didn’t have. Revenge was what kept me going.
“What about tonight?” he asked.
His gaze clung to me like he was a human lie detector. “No. No regrets.” I didn’t tell him that he was the pathway out of my mental hell. He was the ying to my yang. The therapist liked to say that I needed a hero, so I’d made him one. But he’d proven himself to be my Batman. If only I could be Wonder Woman, we could save the world together. First by ridding the world of an evil called Ruin.
“How can you be sure? You said yourself Ruin gave you something,” Shawn said.
“He did, but it wasn’t mind altering.” I stopped because that wasn’t true. I took stock of what happened and rationally spoke about my ordeal. I would have to write a report about it for the FBI at some point. “Okay, it made me calm and relaxed, but nothing more. It wasn’t like ecstasy or anything like that. I didn’t feel sexier. In fact, I was creeped out by the other men in the room who walked by and spoke to me. Whatever he gave me made me less anxious. That’s it.”
After I’d been freed from Ruin the first time, I hadn’t experienced any withdrawal. He hadn’t hooked me on whatever drugs he’d given me. For that, I’d been grateful.
Wanting to soften the grim expression on Shawn’s face, I moved closer, stepping between his legs. I reached out, and he caught my hand in his calloused, warm one.
“I’m sorry this happened to you,” he said before letting go of me. There he was, proving himself to be a good man again.
I placed my other hand on his. “You don’t have to be. It isn’t your fault.”
“I should have gotten him last time, so you wouldn’t have put yourself in a position to be caught again.”
Foolishly, I leaned in his direction. Immediately, he let go and stood up. “Are you hungry? I can see what’s here and make you something. If you want to shower, I can find you something to wear as well.”
He’d moved behind my back so we weren’t facing each other. Considering how red my cheeks were, it was for the best. “Yes,” I answered. “To all of it.”
“Okay,” he said and left, closing the door behind him.
Clearly, I’d been reading things wrong. His eyes had lingered on my mouth, or so I thought. Maybe I’d manifested that. I’d wanted to kiss him outside of a bodily harm or life-or-death situation. I needed to know if the connection I’d felt was real. Stupid me. My lack of relationships was showing.
I went for the shower, trusting he would find something outside of the borrowed green dress for me to wear. Hopefully, after, my head would be clear from my silly thoughts of a man I shouldn’t want.
The bathroom was impressive, with marble floors and gleaming fixtures. It was larger than my bedroom that I’d grown up in. A floating soaker tub called to me, but I went for the larger shower. An automatic touchless dispenser hung on the shower wall with three options: shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Everything I needed. I peeled off the straps of the dress and let it fall to the floor.
I caught sight of myself in the lingerie Ruin had provided and anger overtook me. I began tearing at the fabric, but I didn’t have the strength to rip it. Instead, I did it the old-fashioned way, unhooking the strap at the back of the bra. When it was undone and off me, I fisted it in my hand and threw it. It went nowhere, of course, falling gently near the dress. The thong went the same route before I turned and got into the shower.
After pressing buttons in the high-tech shower without thought, water fell like rain over me. I pushed my hair away from my face as I prayed the shower could wash away my sins. Because, damn my life, I still wanted Shawn.
At first, I tried to think of what my therapist would say. She would tell me I was allowed my feelings. They were valid—all of them. And I felt things. I felt better when I was with Shawn. His presence soothed my soul and calmed my inner turmoil in a way no one else had. Maybe it was because he knew. He’d been in my personal hellhole like no one else. Maybe it was who he was as a person, and I wouldn’t question it. My only fear was my need would push him away.
Many tears had spilled from my eyes before I finally left the bathroom, wrapped in a towel that hung from a wall. It seemed to be clean as if it had been washed recently. With it secured around me, I stepped into the bedroom. The door was closed as if Shawn hadn’t come back in, but there was a bag of clothes on the bed. I also heard faint voices coming from the other room. I wasn’t sure if he was watching TV or if we had company.