Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 86857 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86857 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 434(@200wpm)___ 347(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
“My father,” she whispered. “My biological father … he…” she swallowed hard “…raped my mother. She was on her way to her car. It was late and dark after her class. My dad was waiting for her at home. It was their anniversary, and he had a candlelit dinner waiting for her. But she never came home that night. One of his officer friends came to the house and told him someone found her on the ground next to her car. They called for help. She was at the hospital. Battered … but not broken.”
I squeezed her hand, at a loss for words.
She laughed, but it was far from a happy laugh. “Want to know why they kept me instead of aborting me?”
All I had was a slow nod.
“Because it was their anniversary, and they didn’t want it to forever be a reminder of something awful. So now … it’s the anniversary of …” She laughed a little more. That time it sounded slightly maniacal. “My conception. My fucking conception. How messed up is that?”
It was all very messed up.
“I have half the DNA of a rapist. Didn’t expect to find that out when I sat down to discuss my project with my mom. I have evil running through my veins, and there is nothing I can do about it.”
I squeezed her hand again, and she squeezed mine back while turning her head toward me.
“I didn’t ask her, but I kinda read between the lines. If it had been a day earlier or a day later, I might not exist.”
Clearing the thickness from my throat, I found my voice. “Well, that would be tragic.”
She smiled. It made me feel like a king. I liked doing or saying anything to make Josie smile. It was the most tangible thing I never held in my hands, but god … I felt it everywhere.
“Drive, Colten.”
“Where are we going?”
She fastened her seat belt and stared out her window, releasing a soft sigh. “Anywhere.”
We drove out of town until we hit no other option but gravel roads and miles of corn fields. I pulled to a stop when the road I chose dead ended at a dirt circle drive, an old barn, and the remnants of a silo.
“I have a blanket in the back seat. We could get in the bed of the truck.”
Josie nodded. “Yeah.” She opened her door while I retrieved the blanket.
Before I made it to the back, she had the tailgate down and hopped into the bed. I jumped in behind her and spread out the blanket. When I sat with my back to the window, she nestled between my bent knees with her back to my chest. I hugged her to me, inhaling her sweet shampoo, absorbing her warmth, and imagining how awful life would be without her … fighting with feeling oddly thankful that someone raped her mom. It was confusing.
“Where do you think we’ll be in ten years?” she asked. “Together, right?”
My arms hugged her tighter. I liked that plan, not that it was much of a plan. “Yeah.”
“Or at least friends. You might want things I don’t want. A wife. Children. A normal life.” She laughed. “You’re going to be the best dad. Nothing like your dad. And you’re going to let your kids do and be whatever they want. And you’re never going to cheat on your wife. You’re never going to rape a stranger and leave her on the ground in a parking lot.”
I grunted a painful laugh. “Uh … I certainly hope I’m not a rapist. Maybe we should elevate my life’s goals to something greater than the simple lack of being a rapist and a cheater.”
“I said you’d have a wife and kids. That’s good, right? I mean … you want that, don’t you?”
I wanted her … however I could have her. That seemed like a long shot at best. My life was slowly unraveling. My grades. My desire to be anything more than “not my dad.”
It didn’t matter how Josie came into the world; she was going to do great things and make it a better place. Josie made everything better.
“What do you want?” I asked without answering her question.
She rested her head back onto my shoulder, staring at the starry sky while the screeching of crickets and katydids filled the air. “I think I want to be a doctor. I don’t know what area of specialty, but something that’s … I don’t know. Something hard or something that most doctors don’t want to do.”
“Like a butt doctor?”
Josie giggled. “A proctologist? Maybe. Or maybe a podiatrist. Stare at feet all day.”
“At least a gynecologist gets to see babies.”
Again, she giggled. “Yeah, nothing good comes out of the butt or hides between toes. And when I’m not doing gross stuff, I’ll come watch you play baseball. Maybe I’ll be best friends with your wife.”