Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
“Oh bullshit,” I finally lose it, because damn him. “Bull-fucking-shit. Don’t you feed me lies!”
“It’s not a fuckin’ lie,” he bellows.
I storm forward, slamming my hands on his chest and pushing him back a few steps. “It is a lie! If it wasn’t, you’d be with me and that would be that. But you’re not. You’re attached to Penny, and you can’t let her go. If you couldn’t be without me, you wouldn’t be. So, stop telling me whatever in the hell you think I want to hear, because I don’t, okay. I don’t want to fucking hear it!”
“Stop telling me how I feel,” he growls, low, top lip curling as he stares at me. “You know nothing about how I feel. I mean what I say, there is so much of you in my head I can’t get away.”
“Then why can’t you just let Penny go?”
“I don’t fucking know!” he roars, grabbing his hair in frustration. “Fuck. I don’t fucking know! You’re most of it, you’re the thing I wake up thinkin’ about, and the thing I go to sleep thinkin’ about, you light a fuckin’ fire in my soul. But when I go to do it, to cut her out, to tell her it’s you, I can’t. Because I don’t want to live without her, either.”
“Well, you don’t get to have it both fucking ways,” I scream, my own emotions getting the better of me. “Damn you Boston, you don’t get it how you want it. So, let me make this damned choice for you. I’m done. I don’t want you to pick me. Do you understand me? I don’t want to be a fucking choice. I don’t want you. I don’t want this. I’m finished. Go to Penny, your choice has been made.”
His eyes flash and he lunges forward, grabbing hold of me and hauling my body against his. “No,” he growls. “Now you’re fuckin’ lying.”
“No,” I squirm. “No, I’m not. I’m finished. I don’t want any contact with you. I want you to leave my house and never come back. Is that clear?”
I look up, holding his eyes, and together, our emotions flare. His eyes burn into mine, but I don’t back down. I’ve made my choice. I’ve made it and I’m not going to change it because I can’t take this anymore, and I don’t want to. I need to be freed of this feeling that is crushing my heart, and the only way I can do that, is to suck it up, and break my own heart.
Sometimes, that’s the kindest thing you can do for yourself, is break your own heart.
“I don’t believe you,” he growls. “I don’t fuckin’ believe you. You want me.”
“Oh,” I say, holding his eyes, knowing my words are about to crush him, but if that’s what it’ll take to get him to go, I’ll do it. I can’t handle the pain anymore. “I more than want you, Boston, I’m falling in love you. I’ve stupidly gone and fallen in love with my best friend, and the only man that’s ever made me feel the way you do. And that’s why I’m not backing down. I’ll get over it. I’ll hurt, I’ll scream, I’ll cry, but I’ll move on. And I’ll find a man that loves me as much as I fucking love you right now.”
His hands slip from my waist and he steps back, holding my eyes, his flashing. He doesn’t say anything, and for a moment, I think he’s not going to.
“Chantelle...”
“I need you to leave,” I say, my voice firm, but inside, I feel like I’m dying. “I need you to go and leave me alone. I’m finished. We’re finished.”
He stares at me.
I turn and walk out of the bedroom and down the hall. I reach the front door, and it takes him a few moments to come out of the room and reach it. He stops when he does, and stares at me, his eyes a mixture of such emotion and confusion, I have to look at my feet when I say, “Don’t contact me again.”
He steps out of the apartment and I shut the door, locking it.
And then, I drop to my knees and cry.
Because damn him.
Damn him to hell and back.
I wish I had never met Boston.
~*~*~*~
CHANTELLE
No.
No.
A big, god damned no.
Please.
This can’t be happening. This cannot happen.
I stare down at the white stick in my hand, and I just stare, and stare, and stare. It has been a long week since I kicked Boston out, and I haven’t heard a thing from him, or Penny, in that time. I’ve hurt. I’ve cried. I’ve sat here and gone over the worst-case scenario with Saskia, telling her they’re probably together and everyone is scared to tell me.
I’ve been over it all.
And in all of that, I didn’t realize my period was late.