Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
I’m not.
But I don’t need to create any complications for the club by going through Slater and his brothers. Or Maverick. Or anyone else.
No.
I think I’m just going to have to deal with this one on my own.
Somehow.
~*~*~*~
CHANTELLE
“So,” Saskia says, leaning against me, her eyes hazy and cute because she’s drunk as hell. To be fair, so am I. And it feels good, finally. “Damon ... hot!”
I laugh, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “Totally hot. But ... I’m just not ... I just...”
“I get it,” she smiles at me, squeezing my waist. “Don’t feel the need to explain. Boston is still in there, and until he’s out, you’re not going to be able to look at another man.”
I nod. “It sucks, honestly. I feel like I should just flip it all the bird and go find the hottest man I can and take him home, but for the first time in my life, that doesn’t feel right to me. I don’t even want to.”
“You’ve changed,” Saskia feigns a gasp.
“I know right,” I laugh. “I used to be cool. These ladies,” I poke my breasts, “Used to get me where I needed to go and now ... I’m all hung up on a stupid ass man.”
Saskia giggles. “Let the ladies out again, maybe they’ll lead you in the right direction.”
I snort laugh and turn around to see Boston and Penny are missing. My first reaction is a slam to the gut. They’re not here. Did he take her home? I saw him having a basic conversation with her earlier, which kind of sucked, because he’s yet to even speak to me, and that fucking hurts. It really does. How come he’ll talk to her, but he can’t even offer me a simple hello?
My eyes scan the bar, and I feel deflated when I don’t see them.
“They’re gone,” I whisper to Saskia, and I know she can hear my voice as it trembles.
She glances around, and her eyes swing back to mine. “Honey, they live together, they probably just got a ride home.”
I exhale.
I need some fresh air.
“I need some air.”
“Chan...”
“Please, Sas, I just need some air.”
I let her go and walk out of the bar, past all the eyes that zone in on me. They all know, and yet none of them say anything about it. They probably feel sorry for me, which makes me feel even fucking worse.
I shove out the front doors and stop in my tracks. Boston and Penny are sitting on a wooden chair on the sidewalk, talking. They don’t hear me, probably because there are other people out here, and cars zooming down the street past them. I take a step forward, and go to make myself known, but I stop when I hear their conversation.
“It’s hard for me, Boston,” Penny says. “It’s hard to be in the same room as you, and her, knowing you’ve been with her. You’ve slept with her, and yet you’ve only kissed me. I feel like a stupid jealous teenager, and it’s ridiculous. You’re right, I think the best thing we can all be doing is staying away from each other.”
He kissed her?
That hurts.
Dammit, why does that hurt?
I know how she feels, and honestly, I feel for her. It sucks. It sucks so hard. But the frustration I feel seeing him talking to her, when he couldn’t even look me in the fucking eye, hurts. It hurts because how come she deserves the respect of a basic conversation, but I don’t?
I guess I know where the bigger part of his heart lies.
“Know that,” Boston murmurs. “Hard for me bein’ in the same room, too. Believe that. It ain’t easy, on fuckin’ anyone. You look fuckin’ beautiful tonight, it’s hard for me to focus.”
God damn.
That hits me like a sledgehammer to the chest.
It hurts more than I ever thought it would.
I’m an idiot. A damned idiot.
How could I have ever let him in?
Tears burn under my eyelids, and I’m ashamed, because it feels weak as hell for me to feel like crying, but that’s what I feel, like breaking down and crying until the pain goes away. I never cry, especially not over a man. So, the fact that my eyes sting, and my heart aches, and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind, makes me feel pathetic.
And angry.
So wildly angry.
“You jerk.”
Boston and Penny both turn around, and the moment their eyes meet mine, his flash. He stands up, but I don’t let him talk. No. Fuck him. I’m done with this. I’m done with games. And feelings. And emotions. And everything else that comes with it. I’m done. So fucking done. I take a deep, staggering breath, and I try to force my tears to stay where they are. I don’t want him to see me cry.
“You know,” I say, my voice shaky, but I don’t care. “I’m a human being. I’m an actual fucking person. The very least, the fucking very least I deserve, is respect. You walked in that door tonight, and you didn’t even look at me, let alone acknowledge me. You told me you were staying away from us both, but I can see now that is a bullshit lie you used to try and get me to go away. All you had to do, was say the word, and I would have left you the fuck alone.”