Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 82756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82756 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
“Are you going to dive solo?” I asked instead. If he’d wanted to count me, to count us, as a reason to stay, he would have done so.
“Always do. You know that.” His eyes were sharp, more steel than sky, daring me to be stupid enough to try to tell him no. “I’ve dived worse. My buddy knows my skill set. He trusts me to get the job done.”
There was a message there. A warning.
“I believe in your skills too, Cal.” I reached for his hand, which he let me take, but his grip was anything but sure. “It’s because I know you have the skills that I don’t understand. Why take stupid risks? Take a crew down with you. A spotter at least.”
“And add to the risks?” He shook his head. “No, thank you. The only one I want to be responsible for is me.”
Well. If I wanted proof that Cal’s go-it-alone attitude hadn’t changed one bit, there it was.
“Mutual interdependence. Being part of a team isn’t the worst thing in the world. Having others who have your back and care about your safety is smart.”
“For whom?” Cal scoffed, gaze softening, going distant. To him, teamwork was a source of pain, but to me, it was my best shot at keeping the guy I cared about safe.
“For you. For them. Everyone benefits.” My tone became more desperate by the minute, but hell if I could rein it in. “Humans have a need for connection.”
“Others sticking out their necks for me is hardly something to encourage.”
“Okay then.” Done with my ice cream and the conversation, I rolled away from the table, heading toward where I’d parked the car along the urban street.
“I didn’t mean all friendship is bad.” Cal tagged along behind me. Friendship. Was that all this was? A single chapter in a buddy-roommate comedy?
“Good to know.” I huffed a breath, hot and sticky. I wasn’t intending to leave him in Portland, so I slowed for him to catch up and unlocked both doors.
“Friends are…okay. But I dive alone. I work alone. I don’t put others in harm’s way.”
Okay. Every damning word made my stomach that much sourer, ice cream curdling, all the sweetness fading.
“What if they want to take the risk themselves? What if others want to help you?” Beyond frustrated, I got in the car and stowed my chair with jerky movements before resting my head on the steering wheel. “Why can’t you value your own safety the way I do?”
My raw admission pulled a hurt noise out of Cal. I’d crossed a line, undoubtedly, by admitting I cared. I’d been so careful for weeks, afraid to startle him into bolting. But here he was, on the verge of leaving anyway. So what if my caring was too much for him? At least this way, he knew.
“I think you overvalue my skin.” He stared stonily ahead at the SUV parked in front of us.
“Priceless. Your safety is priceless to me.” Reaching over, I made him turn to look at me, so he could see my sincerity and so I had a reason to touch him. I wanted to memorize the warmth of his skin, the rasp of his jaw stubble, the spiciness of his scent.
“Holden.” Cal leaned into my touch, resting his head against my palm. His tone was scolding, tinged by decades of hurt. “Don’t put me on a pedestal or try to make me out to be something I’m not.”
“Mine.” I wanted to saw through all the layers of defense he kept erecting, make him see how wanted, how necessary he and his safety were to me. “I want you to be mine.”
“But only if I stop diving?”
“I didn’t say that.” I made a frustrated noise, fingers tightening against his jaw. I wanted to kiss some sense into him, but I settled for resting my forehead against his. “If I asked, specifically asked you to take a spotter and not endanger yourself unnecessarily, would you?”
“Not sure if that makes a difference.” He squished his eyes shut.
“Not sure?” I moved my hand to the back of his neck, anchoring him to me. “You alive and safe makes all the difference.”
“Still same outcome for us.” He shrugged out of my grasp, that much further away as he rearranged himself into the passenger seat and buckled his seatbelt. “I need to get back out there.”
“Because the mission is everything.” Bitterness laced my every word, poison darts, damning us even more than Cal’s stubbornness.
“It’s all I have.”
I flopped back against my seat as if he’d shoved me. And he might as well have. “You could have me.”
“At what price?” Cal leaned forward, studying the floor mats, looking seconds from hurling. Hell if I could manage much sympathy because his rejection felt like a buzzsaw to my core.
“I’d pay it,” I gritted out.