Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
After lunch I offer to take Ella into the makeshift playroom since she usually has a nap and sometimes it takes her a bit to settle.
“I didn’t realize that Spark House has childcare,” Cosy, Griffin’s wife, says as we stop at the playroom and London passes Ella over.
“Oh, we don’t have daycare. We just set this up so I can bring Ella to work when it’s not quite so busy,” London explains.
“This used to be a storage room, but we converted it after this little bean came into the world.” I tickle under her chin, and Ella giggles and tucks her head against my neck, sucking on her fingers.
“Regardless, it’s a great space and maybe something to consider down the line. We have a program at all the Mills Hotels for the staff so they have affordable daycare options on site,” Cosy replies.
I really hadn’t thought about Spark House needing something like that, but with all this growth, I can see the potential. And one of the upcoming projects for my class is the development of a daycare program. I can see the benefit of creating something that would work here.
“That’s wonderful, although Mills Hotels have a robust staff,” Avery says.
“This is very true. It really depends on staff needs, and we employ a lot of people at each location, so it made sense to set something up in-house.”
Just as the wheels start turning in my head, Ella yawns loudly, and I excuse myself into the playroom.
London seems reluctant to leave me out, but I tell her it’s fine and they can fill me in later.
Normally I’d put Ella down after a few minutes in the rocking chair, but she looks so sweet with her hands curled into fists, one of her knuckles in her mouth because she’s never quite grasped the concept of sucking her thumb.
As I sit in the glider, rocking back and forth, singing a soft lullaby, I realize that London’s fears for me and Gavin, while not something I want to consider too closely, are very real. I have no idea if Gavin is going to want more children. And while I can completely understand why he would have reservations—the fact that he has a nine-year-old daughter and has already been through the diapers and sleepless nights stage of parenting and may not be too excited to go through that again being one—the other reasons hang heavy in my heart.
Losing Marcie during childbirth was a huge trauma, and possibly one he might be unable to learn to live with. Would I be willing to give up the opportunity to ever have a baby of my own for him? I think I already know the answer to that question, and that makes things more difficult to handle emotionally.
Avery pops her head in and surveys the room. “Hey, I was coming to see if you needed any help, but it looks your baby-whispering skills are in full effect and you’ve got it handled.”
I smile and realize I’m on the verge of tears.
“Or maybe not. Are you okay?” She closes the door behind her and steps into the room.
I wave a hand around in the air. “I’m fine.”
She arches a brow. “Liar, liar pants on fire?” It’s phrased as a question. “Did something happen with Gavin?”
I shake my head. We’ve messaged a couple of times over the weekend, but I’ve left him alone for the most part, because I know his in-laws are there.
“No, nothing happened.” The lack of conversation post monster-in-law dinner isn’t exactly reassuring.
“Is that a good or bad thing?” Avery asks, as if she can read my mind.
“His in-laws leave tonight. I figured he needed some time to process, like you and London said.”
“Okay.” She sits down in the other glider and settles a hand on her rounded belly. “So what’s going on, then?”
“I’ve been thinking about what London said.”
“She’s protective of both of us, and she doesn’t want you to get hurt. She was the same way when Declan and I got involved.”
“That was different.” Avery had been in a serious car accident and Declan stepped into the role of caregiver. London struggled with it because it echoed the loss of our parents, something that will continue to affect us for our entire lives.
“It is, but her worrying is the same. Try not to read too much into it, or let it mess with your head.”
I bite the inside of my lip. “The thing is … she’s not wrong.”
She stops rocking and tips her head to the side. “About what?”
“About me wanting to have kids in the future. The blended family isn’t an issue for me, but I can’t imagine not having a family of my own. I want to experience pregnancy. I want the swollen ankles and getting up twenty times in the night to pee. Which sounds … ludicrous, I know, but it’s a part of the process I’d been hoping to have. I have no idea if that’s something Gavin would or could entertain in the future after what he’s already been through. I get that we’re early in our relationship and a lot of things can change, but his guilt is a real thing.”