Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115288 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 576(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Ian raises an eyebrow. “Wow. I didn’t even think about that.” He crosses his arms, pensive for a moment. “Do you think you’re having a hard time allowing yourself to accept how you feel about Harley because it’s stronger than the way you felt about Marcie?”
I shake my head. “It’s not that I love her more. It’s just different. I’m different. And I feel like I’m burying all those feelings I had for Marcie along with her and letting Harley take her place. With me and with Peyton.”
“You have to let it go so you can have a future. Harley’s right. She can’t compete with a ghost, and more than that, she shouldn’t have to. She’s someone you love and want to build a future with. And Peyton deserves to have a woman in her life who will love her like a mother would.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Maybe you need to talk to someone again. A professional.”
“I did that, after Marcie died.” And I hated every minute of it. I went for about six weeks and then decided it wasn’t for me.
“You should consider giving it another shot. Not just for you, but for Peyton and Harley. If you want this relationship with her to work, and I think you do, despite how scared you are, then you need to work through this stuff.”
I lace my hands behind my head, absorbing his words. “I think I tried the therapy route too soon after Marcie died. I don’t think I was ready, and then I buried it instead of dealing with it. I don’t want to lose Harley because I can’t get a handle on my past.”
“Losing Marcie was traumatic. You gained a daughter and lost your partner in the same day. No one is expecting you to ever get over it, but you do need to learn how to cope so you can have a healthy relationship with someone else. Whether or not that’s Harley is something you need to figure out.”
“I think it is Harley. Maybe it always was Harley.” I think back to the moment in the kitchen that flipped some kind of switch in me. It might not have been the reason I packed my bags and moved myself and my daughter away, but it definitely played a factor. The timing had been all wrong, and I didn’t have control of my emotions back then. It seems like that’s still the case.
Ian nods. “I see how happy you are with her and how much Peyton adores her and how much she adores Peyton. I’d hate for you to lose that because you’re scared and don’t know how to deal.”
I scrub a hand over my face. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I really wanted to believe I’d dealt with all this shit.”
“Aside from Trista a few years ago, you haven’t had a serious relationship in a decade. There are going to be some hiccups. Harley broke it off not because she doesn’t want to be with you, but because she doesn’t always want to come second to someone who isn’t here anymore. It’s not a fight she can win. Maybe that’s something the two of you should do together, if she’s open.”
I nod. “That’s probably a good idea, and one I wouldn’t have entertained until now. Thanks for always being here to keep me on the straight and narrow.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “I just want you to be happy, man. You deserve it. More than most.”
* * *
I call Karen as soon as Ian leaves my office. It goes to voicemail, so I leave a message, telling her we need to talk and that I’d like to come out her way because it’s a conversation that would be best in person. My intention is to figure out a time that works for me to drive out to Boulder. Hell, I’d go right now if I could, but I don’t want to appear on their doorstep without warning.
So I’m surprised when I pull into the driveway and find not only my parents’ car in the driveway, but my in-laws’ as well.
“Hello?” I call out as I kick off my shoes.
Peyton comes hobbling down the hall, and she throws her arms around me. “I stayed home from school, and Granny came down for a visit, and we watched a movie and made chocolate chip cookies.”
“Well, that’s a nice surprise. Was it a good day?” I push down the sudden spike of nerves. I need to get my shit together, and it looks like the universe is giving me a chance to do that.
“It was. But I still feel bad about last night.” She twists her hands together and looks up at me with regret in her eyes.
I crouch down in front of her and take her hands in mine. “Don’t feel bad, honey. I know there’s been a lot going on lately. I want you to know that what’s happening with Harley isn’t because of you, okay? She still loves you very much, and I still love her, even if we had an argument.”