Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 86972 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86972 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
“Tomorrow things won’t be clearer. That my child is a crock of shit. People think things will look brighter the next day and that’s simply because they got some sleep. Life doesn’t clear up over a good night’s rest. Time is what clears it up. My dad used to tell me ‘This too shall pass, Hillya.’ And as a teen, it would make me so mad. Things would be hard at the moment and seemed like the world was over. It wasn’t until I was a mother myself and I realized how quickly it all does pass. Too quickly.”
I wanted to believe that this pain would pass but I also knew if I stayed in this town, I would be reminded every day of Saul. I had finished Gran’s list. Staying all summer had been my plan because I had thought this town would clear things up for me. Give me direction.
Instead I was going to leave more lost than when I arrived.
Forty
Saul was sitting on Gran’s front porch when I pulled into the driveway right beside his blue truck at six the next morning. He stood up when he saw me and started down the stairs. Just seeing him was hard. It hurt so bad that breathing became difficult. I had missed him and now I would miss him even more. Taking a deep breath, I opened my car door and stepped out. Sleep had never come for me last night and Hillya was right, nothing looked clearer or brighter this morning.
I closed the car door and looked at him. He stopped then. His eyes had darker circles than the last time I saw him. His hair looked as if he had run his hands through it a dozen times. I wondered for a moment if he had been here all night.
“Where were you?” he asked, his voice deeper than usual.
“Hillya’s,” I replied. “I didn’t expect you to come here last night.”
His brows drew together. “I called and texted you several times.”
This was so hard. Even after all I knew, I loved him. I couldn’t forgive him, but I couldn’t stop loving him either. “I turned off my phone.”
“Why?”
He was angry with me. It was clear on his face. He was here ready to accuse me of something. Did he honestly think I was lying to him? The irony of it all struck me and my exhaustion from his betrayal didn’t mix well. My temper flared for the first time since I had been told about him and Isla.
“Oh, I don’t know Saul. Maybe because you went to your married girlfriend’s house first before you came here? That might have been a reason for me not to want to talk to you.”
His eyes narrowed and he took a step toward me. “What?” he finally asked.
He wasn’t going to admit it. Instead he was looking at me as if I was making this up. The way a guy looks at a girl he thinks is crazy. Anger coursed through me. Anger that he had hurt me, that he had made me love him, that he had lied to me. Anger that he would have an affair with a married woman. A mother with a child!
“You heard me,” I shouted. “I know where you went last night and that’s not the first time I’ve seen you with Isla. I saw you before at the Hendrix, but I convinced myself that it was innocent. Even after I asked what you did that day and you lied to me. You never said a word about seeing Isla. Then you don’t tell me you’re coming home. You go straight to her house to see her. Jesus, Saul! Do you not have any morals? She is married. She has a child! I understand that you have had a hard life. I get it. I have seen what you go through. That doesn’t give you an excuse for sleeping with a married woman. Forget that you lied to me and told me we were exclusive. Forget that you cheated on me. We haven’t been together that long. We weren’t serious enough. Whatever but she is married!” I stopped, needing to breathe. I had been yelling. All the pain inside had finally burst free and I blurted it all out. It didn’t make me feel better just as my tears hadn’t taken away any of the sorrow. Maybe in time but not yet.
Saul’s expression was now blank. There was no reaction. No anger, no remorse, no anything. We stood there, me glaring at him and breathing hard. Him cold and calm. I was sure my heart had broken enough, but in those seconds, I could have sworn it splintered into a million pieces.
“Is that all?” he asked, breaking the silence.
I couldn’t speak. I just stood there wishing he would say something to make this better. Something that made sense. I wished… I wished… he cared just a fraction of how much I did.