Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 456(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 304(@300wpm)
I tried to imagine maybe my father doing that to me, and I actually got the willies as a shiver ran up my spine. That would be totally awkward and completely unwelcome.
But what about Lucas?
What would I do if he did that to me?
Without a doubt, I’d lean back into him, seeking closer contact.
God, I’m so fucked in the head.
“We really didn’t get a chance to talk,” Laurence continues with a hesitant smile. “As you may have noticed, I’m the quiet one in this family.”
Chuckling, I nod my head. “Yeah, I noticed that.”
Marilyn and her children are full of energy and spirit. They’re constantly moving and talking and joking. Laurence is like the quiet, wise owl who just observes and enjoys.
“Well, since I’m the doctor in the family, I’m going to ask what Marilyn was too polite to,” he says with a kindly smile. “How are you feeling? Is the pregnancy going okay?”
This is sweet and it’s a professional question, so I don’t hesitate in answering. “It’s going well. The worst has been the morning sickness, and I had a little bit of spotting once, but that hasn’t happened again.”
“How’s your energy?” he asks.
“I’m tired for sure,” I tell him with a sigh. “Sometimes it feels like the baby is sucking the life force out of me.”
Laurence chuckles and nods. “Marilyn was like that. You see how much energy my brood has. I think they were definitely sucking her life force as they were growing.”
I laugh at the image and figure that perhaps the baby is already showing signs of his Fournier DNA.
“This has nothing at all to do with the fact I’m a doctor, and is one hundred percent me being a father,” he says, and I tense up. The fact he had to qualify his next words put me on edge, but I try to maintain a polite, open look on my face. “Marilyn would normally be the one to say these things to you, but I also know that Lucas gave her strict instructions not to put any pressure on you. But my boy didn’t put those restrictions on me, probably because he never in a million years thought I’d do this.”
My anxiety skyrockets and I dig my fingers down into the armrest of my chair while my eyes stay locked on his.
He moves his hand and pats mine kindly. “I know you’re scared, Stephanie, and we have all the empathy in the world for you. But my son is crazy about you. I don’t know if he’s admitted it or not, but I can tell just by the way he looks at you and the way he talks about you that you mean more to him that just friends.”
There’s a rolling sensation in my stomach and I feel dizzy over these truths I’d long suspected.
“My son…hell, all my kids…with them it’s all or nothing,” Laurence explains.
I don’t say anything and I can’t break away from his soft, knowing gaze.
“Lucas,” he says pointedly, “is an all-or-nothing type of guy. I know what you two have going on is working for you right now, but Lucas has dreams. And he’s not the type to be satisfied with anything less than full realization of a dream.”
“All or nothing,” I whisper, understanding the words he originally said.
Laurence nods and pats my hand again. “Like I said, it’s clearly working right now what you have going on, but eventually he’s going to want more. If you don’t give it your all, he’s going to get hurt.”
“You have to know I don’t want to hurt him,” I say, feeling obligated to defend myself. “I do care for him a great deal.”
Lucas’s dad nods. “I know that, and today I saw that as clearly as I saw how Lucas cares for you. I’m just saying that may not be enough one day.”
“I’m not sure what my capabilities are,” I tell him truthfully, and the words leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Still, I tell him an embarrassing truth I’d never admit to a stranger, but this is Lucas we’re talking about, and I know I don’t want to lose him. “I’m…I’ve got…I don’t think I’m worthy of someone as great as Lucas, and as such, I think I tend to sabotage myself.”
“I can understand that,” he says wisely.
“I want to be what he needs,” I tell him. I so want that, but I don’t know how.
“I’m not saying you have to give him something you’re not capable of,” Laurence clarifies with a pointed look. “I’m just saying that what you do have, you have to give fully. If you want something with him, you have to put down all your defenses and just try with all your might to make it work. As long as you do that, any failure would be understandable. It would still hurt, but at least Lucas would understand.”