Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76539 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76539 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
I get myself together after a minute or two and wipe my eyes and feel drained, so deeply drained, like I’ve been twisted and pulled and every drop of me has been squeezed into the dirt.
“You must think I’m losing it,” I say with a stupid smile.
But Robyn shakes her head. “No, honey. I think you’re pregnant, scared, in way over your head, and barely hanging on. What the hell was Brice thinking, letting you get mixed up in this?”
“I don’t think she knows how bad it is.”
Robyn’s jaw works. Her anger’s refreshing—I’m so used to sorrow that Robyn’s indignant glare is actually pretty nice—and I’m not used to someone looking out for me. “She knows what her husband does for a living. She should never have let him get anywhere near you.”
“Stop, it’s not Brice’s fault. Carmine told me what the deal was the second he walked into my office and I took the case myself. I took his money and I accepted the risks.”
“Still.” Robyn squeezes my hand. “I’m pretty pissed.”
“Brice didn’t know about the baby, but I think she found out. I’ve been ignoring her calls.”
“Who else knows?”
“My parents. Angelo.”
She lets out a breath. “Okay, that’s good. Angelo knows. Where is he right now, anyway?”
“We’re… sort of… finished.” I look down at the floor, feeling stupid, naive, angry.
Her eyebrows raise. “You’re what?”
“Finished. I sort of … walked away from him. I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.” I want to squeeze myself into a tiny black hole and zap out of existence.
“And he accepted that?” She doesn’t sound happy.
“I don’t think he had much of a choice.”
Robyn groans. “Sara! Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s a criminal! Because I don’t want my baby to grow up with a father behind bars. There are a thousand reasons to keep Angelo away from this child! Don’t give me crap right now, Robyn, I’m giving myself enough.”
Robyn stands and paces across the room. She grumbles to herself and I know what she’s feeling because I feel it too—I made a stupid decision, one for halfway decent reasons, but still.
I walked away from Angelo for my parents.
I gave up on the first good thing I’ve ever had all to myself for my mother and father, two people that only care about controlling me and making me act like the perfect, obedient daughter.
My father cares more about scoring points with the chief of police than he does about helping me.
I keep seeing his face when I told him I was walking away.
It was rage, pure rage. The idea that I might not simply do whatever he asked of me was too much for him to bear.
He wanted to kill me.
And heck, the feeling is mutual.
But I only have myself to blame here, because if I hadn’t gone with Dad then none of this would be happening.
“You like that guy,” Robyn says, standing with her hands on her hips. “Tell me you don’t.”
“It’s complicated,” I say.
“Is it though? Look at Brice, she got over her whole squeamish fear of criminals, and she’s doing okay.”
“Carmine and Angelo are different, and you say that like it’s totally normal to date a mobster.” I chew on my lip. Are Carmine and Angelo that different though? Carmine was born into this life, into power and wealth, and Angelo struggled to take what he has. But they’re both of a type: intense, terrifying, violent, willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want.
“Sara, ever since I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you into a guy like you’re into Angelo. No, don’t try to tell me I’m wrong, I can see it every time you mention him. You like him and you like him a lot, and he’s the father of your baby. I know that makes things harder, and I know he has an unconventional job, but seriously. How can you turn your back on him?”
“Robyn,” I say, looking down at my lap. “I don’t know. And saying he has an unconventional job is the understatement of the century.”
She softens a bit and spreads her hands. “Look, honey, I love you, you know I do, but this whole thing is frustrating. You like this guy. You like him a lot. So why are you pushing him away? Why not take a chance?”
I rub my face and pick up the mug again. I cradle it, feeling the warmth of the coffee in my palms. How can I explain this to her? How can I make her understand? “Angelo represents everything I’ve been taught to hate,” I say and clear my throat to stop myself from crying again. “My parents raised me to follow the rules. To respect my superiors. To do the right thing. And all this time I thought I knew what those things meant. I thought that even if I’m not happy, even if I’m spending all my time on things I don’t care about, at least I’m on the right path and maybe happiness will come one day. I thought if I just listened to my parents, did what they wanted, studied hard and got a good job and smiled in pictures—”