Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
“I wasn’t aware you two were together.” Kai sat down on the couch across from her. Though there was a big desk in the room, he’d explained he preferred a more casual setting when it came to actual therapy.
“We’re not,” she replied, her eyes still on the door. “I think he misunderstood something that happened last night.”
“Like sleeping together?”
He was going to try to put her in a corner. She’d been to enough damn therapy sessions to know where this was going. “We both had a long, trying day. Our emotional states led us to reach out to each other for physical comfort, and I’m worried that he’s translating that into something it’s not.”
“Or you’re deflecting.”
“I’m not here to talk about my relationships, Dr. Ferguson.”
“Avery thinks you need to.” If Kai cared about her short tone, he didn’t show it. His words were calm and measured. “She called me yesterday morning to set up a few sessions for you. You know she still sees someone. Not me. She prefers a female therapist, but she still has monthly sessions. Just to talk and make sure she’s all right.”
“What does Avery have to be anxious about? She’s got the perfect life.”
“And she’s had something like it before. You know there’s nothing even close to perfection, and you know that it can all go away in an instant.”
There they were—those tears that seemed to be at the edge of her consciousness all the time now. She was being a selfish bitch. “Of course. I’m glad she’s seeing someone. She deserves every bit of happiness she can find. I love her very much. I’m not myself right now.”
“I don’t know. I think maybe you are,” Kai pointed out. “There’s nothing wrong with being jealous of someone like Avery. I wish I had half her faith in the world around us. I envy her that every day. I have no idea how I would handle the things the two of you went through.”
“She went through it. I caused it. There’s a difference.”
He pointed her way. “Ah, there it is. That’s what she’s afraid of, you know. That you can smile and still hold such self-hate inside you. Tell me something—when this latest incident happened, what was the first thing that ran through your mind?”
She hated shrinks. “Well, he pointed a gun at my face and my first thought was I hope he doesn’t murder me.”
“Is that really what you thought?”
She shook her head. “I don’t remember a lot about it. I was terrified. For me and for my people, and definitely for my baby. But I got through it.”
“All right. We’ll see if we can recover that memory as well,” he said. “Are you ready to start? We could talk more. I worry this is going to be a dark place we go to. If you want to relax and have some more tea, we can talk about other things.”
Shrink things. Talking to a man like Kai in a setting like this would never be as simple as discussing the weather or what TV shows she liked to watch. He would be probing and trying to find all her vulnerabilities. “I think I’d rather move on. I want this mystery solved.”
“All right.” He stood up and moved to the wall on the left side of the office. He closed the blinds, the natural light blinking out and leaving them in a twilight dim. He grabbed a candle and matches, lighting the flame and then dousing all other lights with a flick of the switch.
She watched him move in the gloom of the office, knowing that it was brilliant daylight outside. In here there was one light source—that candle that he placed on the table between them.
“This is your focal point.” He shifted back and seemed to move into shadows, his face disappearing as she stared at the candle. “I want you to stop thinking about anything at all except the sound of my voice and the light from the candle. It’s warm and inviting.”
It could burn her. If she did this, how did she know she only went back to what happened last week? How could she be sure he wouldn’t take her further, back to when she’d truly discovered who she was.
“I need you to relax, Stephanie. You’re in control of this.”
She shook her head, but she couldn’t make herself look away from the candle. Something about it called her in. Like a moth to the flame. “I don’t feel in control.”
But last night she had. It was perverse that giving up control had made her feel strong. She’d decided on her path and then followed it, trusting Brody to catch her if she fell. She’d fallen, but it was the most magnificent fall ever.
“That’s better. You’re thinking of something that makes you calmer. Can you tell me what it is?”