Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
So warm. How long had it been since heat had sank deliciously into her skin? Since she could take a moment to indulge in something as simple as a bath? Far too long. She didn’t indulge. At first it was because she didn’t feel as if she deserved indulgence of any kind, and then medical school trained it out of her. It had become habit to work and work and sleep and work.
Then she’d had Nate and the world seemed to slow down, to become softer and harder at the same time. Her personal world had become one of stolen moments with her son. Those beautiful moments when she looked at him and everything seemed fresh and new.
But then she would look outward and realize the world would come for him and she was afraid.
She wiped a tear away and took another breath, letting the sound of the rocking chair creaking lull her. As long as that chair was rocking, Brody was here with their baby, and he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Nate.
She closed her eyes and relaxed because she wasn’t alone for once.
She would rest for a minute and then get going. Maybe the superhot water would help her sleep. Maybe not being the only one responsible for Nate would do the same.
She relaxed and found herself in a different world.
Driving, her hands on the wheel, music in the background. Just a few more months and high school would be done. No more teachers. No more books…until college, of course, but that felt like Disney World.
She yawns, the lateness of the hour pressing in on her. She knows she should have left that stupid party hours before but Kyle had been there and he’d brought her a beer. She didn’t like the taste, but he’d been so insistent that she’d found herself slowly drinking it down.
She’d liked the taste more when it had been on his lips. She feels her whole body flush. He’d kissed her. Not the first time, of course. She’s been kissed before, but this was different. This had sent a forbidden thrill through her system.
Like the big guy. Big gorgeous Aussie with hands that could cover her whole breast.
No. That was wrong. He wasn’t here.
She’s driving and she’s young. Whole life ahead of her. Wasn’t that what that light ahead meant?
The light, so bright she’s momentarily blinded, and then she’s flying. The car her dad had fixed up for her sixteenth birthday wasn’t supposed to fly, but here she was. A flash of light, a scream of metal.
Somewhere in the distance she heard crying. Wailing.
A mother’s loss. A wife’s pain.
Pain. Yes, she felt it flashing through her. This was what she deserved. This was why she’d been born. To ache. To hurt.
She tips the bottle back. She paid some asshole older guy to buy it for her. Naturally he wanted more than cash and that shame was on her, too. It doesn’t matter. There are no more Kyles with sweet kisses that end in promises of dates. There is no more future, nothing beyond the harsh burn of cheap vodka that dulls the sound of those sympathetic voices.
The angry ones she can handle. The yelling, the name calling, they all feel like home to her now. It’s her mother’s voice telling her it wasn’t her fault that makes her sick.
If it wasn’t her fault, then there was no meaning to be had. If it was, then she knew what to do. Punish herself since no one else would.
She looks at the knives in her mother’s kitchen but that would be far too easy. Somewhere across town there’s another woman and she’s lying in bed, her legs useless because an idiot kid should have left the party an hour before.
She can’t end her own suffering while Avery Charles is still in pain.
I don’t recognize you anymore. I can’t look at you. Where is my little girl?
Can’t he see she’s buried under three tons of guilt and keeps piling it on because it won’t ever be enough? There is no redemption. None.
Her father walks out and she knows that it’s right and good and she thinks about how she can hurt herself tonight.
A warm hand encloses hers. It’s only for the mission. It’s their cover, but her heart still skips a beat the minute he touches her. She does good now. She’s found her mission, her purpose.
Does it make up for the wrong she’s done? His hand squeezing hers feels like a gift she’d never expected. Brody. Even his name is masculine.
Would it be different with him? Would she feel clean? Or would it be one more way to degrade herself?
The baby’s coming. Yes, this pain was deserved because she’d been stupid enough to think she could steal a moment’s pleasure. Stupid enough to think the punishment was over. She screams and wishes she’d never put on that ridiculous gown and tried to seduce Brody Carter into staying with her. There is no fooling herself in this place. As the pain wracks through her body, threatening to split her in two, she knows she’s lied to herself, to him. She loves him. She wants him.