Total pages in book: 144
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 677(@200wpm)___ 542(@250wpm)___ 451(@300wpm)
Avery put a hand on her belly as she looked at Steph, intent plain in her stare. “Yes. Two lives. Not two walking deaths. Not a lifetime of aching martyrdom. Maybe in the beginning I did mean you should go out and give of yourself selflessly. I’m not such a Pollyanna that I didn’t want you to hurt back then. You should feel it. But Steph, there’s a time to feel guilt and a time to move past it and honor the lives that were lost by living. I’m changing our deal and yes, I get to do that. You owe me two lives. You owe me enough love and laughter and joy for two lives, and that means you have to change your mindset. You have to change it because you have to teach that baby how to live. And part of living is figuring out when to not give up.”
Nate was staring up into her eyes. Such perfect love and trust. “I’ve been wondering if Nate wouldn’t be better off in London.”
Avery smiled. “Yes. Yes, I think you could be happy there. And don’t think you can’t find good work to do. You know you could still work for organizations that help Third World countries, but Nate would have a stable life with family around him. And The Garden is a truly magical place. I can’t imagine you going back to Africa as a single mom. What would you do if you had to deal with an outbreak?”
She’d always had a plan in place. She’d intended to send Nate to Avery and Liam if there was an outbreak. Perhaps in the back of her mind, she’d thought that was for the best, too. Steph held her baby close. Why was she eager to leave him? It broke her heart—even the thought of not being with him killed her.
She was punishing herself again and she was tired of it.
Maybe the best way to deal with it was to admit it. She would tell Avery what she’d been thinking, admit that she was right back in that place where she punished herself, and Avery would help her find a way out. She didn’t want to leave her son and she didn’t want to give up on Brody. The truth was she hadn’t even tried with him yet. Not in an honest fashion. “I wasn’t talking about staying in London with him, Avery. You’re being far too optimistic. I was talking about giving him to Brody and letting him raise Nate.”
“I think that might be for the best.”
She gasped because that hadn’t been Avery. She turned and Brody was behind her, a grim resolve on his face.
Avery’s eyes had gone wide as she looked over at Brody. “She didn’t mean that.”
“Oh, I think she did.” Brody set down the small bag he’d shown up with.
He’d packed? He was ready to go? Naturally he’d walked in when she’d said the one thing she couldn’t defend.
“You have to understand,” Avery began.
Brody cut her off. “I understand quite well and I think I should have this conversation with Steph, please. Could we have a moment?”
“It’s okay, Avery.” She slipped off the barstool. Nate had perked up at the sound of his father’s voice. His tiny fist came out of the blanket she’d wrapped him in as though trying to reach out for him. How close they’d gotten in so few days, as though their souls had recognized each other at first glance.
“Steph, don’t forget what I said. Please, this is your whole future.” Avery picked up the potato salad and walked out back.
It was. Her future. Had she stopped thinking about it? The future, that was. When she’d been a kid, the future was all she could think about. She’d made plans. She’d been the only girl in her high school who’d carried around a massive day planner and eagerly bought the next year’s as soon as it became available. She’d had five-year plans. Ten-year plans.
And then she’d had to get through each moment separately and with no surety that she would survive the next.
She was still there, still slogging through each moment as if the accident had happened yesterday. As if her pain and guilt was something she needed to hold on to because if she let it go for one second, she might find herself being happy.
“I’m sorry, Brody.” She should have talked to him. After what she’d seen happen today, she realized how foolish she’d been to think they couldn’t protect her.
If they were going to be a family, Brody had the right to know she would be honest with him, that she wouldn’t make life or death decisions without him.
“I’m sorry, too.”
He looked grim and she hated that she’d put that expression on his face. He wasn’t grim. Most of the time he was laughing and happy. For all his height and muscle, he was a gentle soul.