Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 75720 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75720 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
…
…
But was I the only one who felt that? We hadn’t discussed anything, and the last time I assumed something about Jake, I turned out to be a huge asshole.
It needed to come up. I needed to bring it up… but I was scared. I didn’t want to ruin this sparkly golden night. I just wanted this feeling to go on forever, for the sun to never come up and for me and Jake to be permanently frozen into this time and place, locked in a shining globe of amber.
Jake and I toweled off as he explained to me the rules of chess, which was something else he was apparently great at. He continued to talk about pawns and knights and checkmates as we went back into his bedroom, but I had a hard time focusing on any of it. All I could think of was cuffing this man to my side. It was made even more intense when we both got into bed, still naked, and he wrapped me up in his big arms, the firm muscles of his bicep serving as a pillow for me. He tucked one of his legs through mine and kissed the back of my neck, and I completely and totally haywired, words coming out of my lips before I could think:
“What are we?”
“Huh?”
“What are we?” I asked again, looking directly ahead at the dark wall. I could feel Jake breathing against my back, his chest rising and falling, our skin pressed together. “I know we’re friends. Good ones. But do you feel anything else?”
He didn’t even miss a beat. “I do. I feel like I won the lotto over the fact that I get to hold you right now. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way with anyone else I’ve been with. This happy. This comfortable.”
“Me neither,” I said honestly. “And that’s a little scary.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m scared you’ll just disappear. Like you’ll wake up and decide to keep things as friends between us. We aren’t anything official, so it’s not that far outside of the realm of possibility.”
Jake chuckled, kissed my neck again. “I can guarantee you it is very far outside the realm of possibility.”
I took that moment to turn over, facing him now. I looped an arm through his, letting my fingertips softly trace random patterns across his back, following the dips and curves of his muscles. “You sure?”
“Very sure,” he said, kissing my nose. The lights in the bedroom were off, but enough moonlight spilled in through the partly opened curtains so that I could still see his Tiffany-blue eyes, swirling like two mini-galaxies. “So sure that I’m ready to say fuck being friends.”
I arched a brow, licked my lips.
“Forget being friends, and let’s be boyfriends,” he continued, my heart deciding to do a full-on tap-dance routine against my ribs. “I don’t want to tiptoe around my feelings for you anymore. I don’t care if we’re at work or with your friends or at the fucking grocery store. I want to be able to reach over and hold your hand, kiss you, let everyone else around know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”
Fireworks went off in my vision, matching the explosions going on elsewhere throughout my body. I couldn’t believe that I was scared of bringing this up. “I think that sounds like a great idea to me,” I said, unable to hold back a chuckle, produced from the pure bliss that currently bubbled through my veins. “I was scared that you’d want to keep things as just friends, but I’ve been down to make things official since the moment you walked into the office wearing those khaki pants that showed your ankles every time you sat down and crossed one leg over another.”
“Oh, you’re an ankle guy? I thought you were an ass guy?”
“Well, I like having your ankles on my shoulders while I pound your ass, so… I guess I’m both?”
Jake and I both started to laugh, kissing through the happiness. I was almost positive that we were seconds away from breaking the laws of physics and simply floating up into the star-blotted sky, turning into our own constellation: the friends to lovers. Right next to the Big Dipper.
Jake leaned over and tapped on the base of his lamp. A dim light flooded the room. He opened the drawer and took out a notepad and a pen. I propped myself up on my elbow and watched him jot something down.
“What are you doing?” I asked him through a yawn.
“Writing this moment down. Date, time, and the fact that you and I are together, officially. It’s my way of—well, I know how fleeting memory can be. I just want to be able to remember this moment forever. No matter what. That’s all.”
He closed the book and set it delicately back in the drawer. The weight of his words settled heavily on my chest, and I was grateful when he turned the lamp off before turning to me because that way, he didn’t see the rogue trail of tears that decided to make its way down my cheeks.