Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 95453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
She’s not smiling, and the way her face goes still must change his mind, since he puts down his fork and gets serious. “Sorry. Trying to lighten the mood. It’s been pretty fucking dark around here lately.”
“I’m not trying to evict you. That’s not what anybody wants,” Leni tells him, shaking her head. She looks sad—so sorrowful. “But if you want to go live your own life, I don’t want to stop you. And I don’t think it would be right if Colt tried to stop you either,” she adds with a look at me, like she’s warning me to stay quiet. I would normally be irritated by that, but the opposite is true. She wants so much for Nix to have what he needs.
He doesn’t say anything right away, like he’s really thinking about it. What is there to think about? It’s enough to make me wonder if he does want to go. Maybe he finds it too hard to be around us together. Maybe he doesn’t want to share.
“Do you want me to stay?” he asks, going from looking at her to looking at me. “Don’t feel like you have to say yes. You know I’ve had my reasons for staying away.”
Leni doesn’t know about our conversation; about the things we’ve confessed to each other. “And you remember what I told you,” I counter.
“I’m lost,” she admits with a soft laugh.
“You remember who we came from,” I murmur, staring at him. “Both of them. You can be whoever it is you decide to be. It’s up to you. And we’d be here for you,” I add.
“I don’t want you to go, Nix.” I’m happy to hear her say that, and I can tell he is too. I keep my mouth shut, since they have their own shit going on. It’s one thing that he accidentally killed Dad, but he also killed her mother. I can’t step in and get in the middle of it. One of the hundreds of things Leni has taught me without trying.
“All right,” he announces before grabbing another piece of bacon. “I’ll stay. You’re welcome.”
He can fuck around all he wants, but I know the truth. He’s happy. He’s relieved. Because I am, too. “That’s done.” I look around the table and ask, “But what now? We can’t keep you locked in here all the time.”
“Glad you see it that way, because I’m sick of this place. No offense or anything.”
“So what do we do?” Leni asks. “Do we stage a miraculous return from the dead?”
She’s kidding, of course, but her confusion is real.
There’s only one answer that works. It’s not easy to say it out loud, since there’s nothing simple about it. “We would have to leave town. Start over.”
“Go someplace nobody knows us,” Nix agrees.
If there’s one thing about Leni, it’s how realistic she is. She’s not one of those girls who’s going to get all emotional and throw a fit over what needs to be done. Instead, she chews thoughtfully, eyes narrowed as she stares out the window. “You’re right. That’s what we would have to do. Just to be safe.”
“And you would be okay with doing that?” I can tell Nix feels bad—that’s why he’s so unsure.
But she isn’t. “I mean, I’ll miss Piper, but there’s FaceTime, and I can always visit her. She couldn’t really come visit us, though,” she concludes with the closest thing to sadness I’ve seen so far. “But it would still be a lot easier than going around making sure I never mention Nix. Starting fresh is the only thing that makes sense.”
Scanning her face, he asks, “And you would be willing to do that? It wouldn’t be hard for you?”
“Honestly? I have some good memories, but there are a lot more bad memories around here. It’s time to start a new life—as long as I’m with you two, it doesn’t really matter where we go. That sounds corny, doesn’t it?” she asks, wincing.
Maybe it does, but it also sounds like the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.
“Wait,” Nix blurts out. “What about Mom?”
Of course. “I guess we’ll have to work backward.”
“What does that mean?” Leni asks, glancing at Nix. He only shrugs.
“We find someplace with great facilities for her. One where she can get everything she needs. When we find it, that’s where we move.”
It feels right because it is right. I see it in my brother’s grin and the light that comes into Leni’s eyes. It’s time to start over—the three of us.
No. Four.
“Let’s go tell Mom,” I decide, shoveling the rest of my food into my mouth. Now that I have a plan, a goal, I can’t wait to get moving.
“Mom?” I rap my knuckles against her doorframe, and she turns her head slowly from where she was looking out the window, sitting in a wheelchair. She can’t move around much, can’t get in and out of bed or wheel the chair from one place to another, but it’s still great to see her like this. She looks more like herself—like I remember her.