Total pages in book: 27
Estimated words: 25855 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 129(@200wpm)___ 103(@250wpm)___ 86(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 25855 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 129(@200wpm)___ 103(@250wpm)___ 86(@300wpm)
It started with a comparison to the my only other authentic experience with intimacy. Liam sent me reeling when he broke down and shared his bed with me on his birthday. I’ll never forget the sparks he ignited, making me come for the first time, or how safe and content I felt in his arms the following morning.
But tonight with Sebastian…there’s no comparison. My heart aches with guilt and sorrow and fulfillment—too many conflicting emotions to name. I care about Liam, irrevocably so, and I don’t want to hurt him. Except I’ve already hurt him, because he somehow knew before I did that Sebastian would be the death of us.
The chancellor can’t steal my heart when it already belongs to someone else. But what about Sebastian’s heart? Does a piece of it still belong to Lilith?
“Did you sleep with her?” The question startles us both, and it’s a betrayal to myself, because I don’t really want to know the answer. Or I shouldn’t want to know, but the night of the ball—when Lilith stepped off his floor and into the elevator with tears in her eyes—will forever haunt me unless we talk about it.
This conversation’s been coming for a while, and we’ve both known it.
With a sigh, Sebastian untangles himself from me and sits at the edge of the bed, one hand trailing through his messy hair.
“You want to do this now, after the night we just had?”
The fact that he isn’t questioning me on what I’m talking about, let alone denying it, squeezes my heart with dread.
“Yes, I do. We just shared the most amazing experience of my life, and I can’t let this uncertainty overshadow it in my head. Don’t you think it’s time we cleared the air?”
He glances at me from over his shoulder. “You aren’t the only one with doubts, princess. What happened with the chancellor last month after dinner?”
Scooting into a sitting position against the headboard, I pull the sheet to my chest. “You’re deflecting.”
“I’m not deflecting, Novalee. You want to have this talk, so we’re having it. Tell me what happened.”
It’s a demand as much as it is a blatant directional shift in conversation, and I grit my teeth before answering. “I asked him to take my anal virginity.”
Several tense moments slip past. “Why?”
“Because I didn’t want you to have it.”
He raises a brow. “I wouldn’t have guessed, going by your eagerness tonight.” Pointedly, he glances at the rumpled sheets. “So who stopped it—you or him?”
Avoiding his eyes, I swallow hard. “Liam did.”
He lets out a bitter laugh. “Of course he did. Castle is too goddamn noble for his own good.” He gets up and turns to face me, hands in his hair. “My turn now, is it?”
“Yes,” I say, wary of the remorseful slant of his mouth.
“You deserve the truth, but are you sure you want it?”
“No, but I need it.”
He nods, jaw stiff with resignation. “I fucked her.”
His admission slices me deeper than I thought it would—straight to the marrow of my bones. I close my eyes against the burn of tears and try to breathe, but it’s no use. Betrayal squeezes the air from my lungs. The mattress shifts under his weight, and his ragged breaths spread over my face. He slides a palm along my cheek, urging my eyes open.
“I’m not done,” he says, locking his gaze with mine. “You wanted the truth, so here it is. I fucked her, and I’ve never regretted it more. I’d take it back if I could.”
“You can’t take it back.”
“I know that. But you need to know it was a meaningless and angry fuck. After you showed up later that night, I realized it was goodbye.”
“It was more than meaningless, Sebastian. You were a mess that night. So was she. It didn’t look like goodbye to me.”
“It was goodbye,” he says, tone stubborn with certainty.
“Why are you moving on from her now? Why not the night you came to my room?” My voice cracks with hurt as the memory of his callous behavior picks at the scar he left on my soul. “Or when Landon asked you to marry me? Why now?”
“I wasn’t ready to let her go, but the second you walked out the door that night, wanting the security you thought Castle would give you, I knew I fucked up. I want you, Novalee. Hell, I want things with you I didn’t know I wanted until Landon dangled them in front of my nose.”
I blink, and a hot tear escapes, collecting in the crease where his thumb presses into my cheek. His gaze never wavers, and in those blue depths I find a glimmer of truth. But the truth feels like a betrayal, despite the complexities of our situation.
Because this isn’t a mere triangle—it’s a square of epic proportions spanning a battlefield of inevitable heartache.