Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 149510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 748(@200wpm)___ 598(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
I don’t think I’ve ever heard Finn ramble on like this. He’s not a talker or a conversationalist. He’s quiet and broody, and it’s a rare—pretty much nonexistent—occurrence when he is actually willing to let me see inside his head like this.
“Finn, I—” I stop when he raises a hand.
“Just let me finish first, okay? There’s so much I want to tell you right now. So much I want to get off my chest. So much I need you to hear. So much you deserve to hear.”
I nod and he takes a breath, his eyes moving down to the floor for the briefest of moments before meeting mine again.
“I’ve been a fucking idiot, Scottie. And I’ve thought about this moment in my head a thousand times, desperately trying to come up with the right words to tell you. The right words to convey everything I want to say. But I’m not the best with words, and I’m shit at facing hard feelings head on. But I want to change.” He shrugs. “I know I’ve pushed you away more times than I can count. I know I’ve said ugly things to you that you didn’t deserve, and I know I’ve hurt you deeply.” He grabs my hand and puts it flat to his chest, and I swallow hard at the feel of his racing heart.
“I’m so fucking sorry for all the times I avoided you because the way you made me feel was too much for me to understand.” His voice breaks, a tear falling to the floor between us. “I’m sorry I blamed you for caring about me as much as you did, and I’m sorry for all the times you needed me and I wasn’t there.”
His words are like bullets, hitting me one after another, straight in the chest and shaking my entire equilibrium.
“For the longest time, I’ve feared that I would become just like my dad,” he continues, but his voice grows quiet. “But I’m more than him. And you’re more than your mom. And together, we’re more than all the mistakes we’ve made in the past.”
He squeezes my hand, holding it on his chest with a ferocity that makes my knees shake. “I love you, Scottie. Confidently and completely and with the knowledge that my love is worth something. And I know after everything that’s happened between us that you have every right to tell me to walk back out that door…but I’m hoping that you’ll give me a second chance.”
I have a choice. I can crawl back under my comforter and let the consequences of my mother’s actions consume me, or I can move forward with Finn to the kind of love we both deserve.
I’ve been burned once before by stepping out on a limb, but Finn’s spent the last two months proving that his branch is strong enough to handle my weight.
The first choice would certainly be easier. But sometimes, hard things are worth it.
Finn
Scottie’s eyes are big as they stare into mine, her hand on my chest the only thing keeping my heart inside. I have no idea what she’s going to say or do, but I will myself to have the patience to wait it out.
“I know it’s been you,” she says, and her voice is so soft, so quiet, that I almost don’t even hear her. “I know you’ve been the one who was making sure I had notes for all my classes. I know you’re the one who has been leaving me dinner and snacks and hot chocolates to make sure I eat. And I know you’re the one who left me that old-school Discman with all the playlist CDs.”
“I didn’t know what to do,” I tell her. “You needed space, and well, I wanted to find a way to support you, to be there for you. I’m sorry if I—”
She doesn’t wait for me to finish. “When Julia and Kayla told me it was you, I just about burst into tears. I almost called you. Texted you. Showed up at your dorm,” she says, and I jerk my head back in surprise.
“You did?”
She nods. “I wanted to talk to you, but I…I don’t know…so much had happened between us, you know?”
Fuck. “I know.”
“I love you, Finn,” she says, a sparkly sheen of tears making the green of her eyes mossy. “My feelings for you haven’t changed. And after everything you just told me, forgiving you feels easier than breathing.”
“Tell me I’m not hearing shit. Tell me you just said you love me and you can forgive me.”
“I love you, Finn. And I think it’s long past time we forgive ourselves and each other.”
“Fuck, Scottie,” I whisper, and I can’t stop myself from stepping forward to lift her into my arms. My mouth finds her lips, and I kiss her with the kind of intensity that has us both gasping for air. But I don’t stop. I can’t stop. I feel like I’ve waited ten lifetimes for this.