Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 79599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 398(@200wpm)___ 318(@250wpm)___ 265(@300wpm)
There was no way to make this right.
I craved her forgiveness just as much as I craved her body. Her soul. Her spirit.
Her heart.
Words spilled from my lips in quick succession. I had to get to her before she was too far away to hear me. I spoke so fast I didn’t have time to edit myself and choose the right words so I just went with my gut because going with my head only resulted in her beginning to hate me and as much as that was part of the plan I hadn’t counted on the crushing blow to my soul that came with it.
I wanted to tell her everything.
I started with the truth.
Bear uncensored.
“For what it’s worth I didn’t want her. I never wanted her,” I shouted. “I just don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Looked like you wanted her to me,” Ti said, huffing heavily, but making progress. If she kept up the pace for a few more minutes she would be free of the current and would quickly be out of hearing distance.
“What do you want me to say? You almost got killed in the park!”
“So did you.”
“That’s my LIFE though. I’m used to motherfuckers gunning for me. That shouldn’t be yours though.”
“You don’t get to decide my life, Bear. Not you. Not anyone.”
“When I’m with you it’s like you put me up on this fucking unreachable pedestal. I don’t deserve that kind of admiration and sometimes,” I tried to catch my breath but the words kept spilling out of me. “It scares the fucking shit out of me. Whatever you think you know about me or who I am, you don’t know shit about me. You don’t know the things I’ve done, the people I’ve done them to. You don’t know that I’ve killed people because I was ordered to, or because I thought it was good for club business, or just because they rubbed me the wrong fucking way. Is that what you want to hear? ’Cause that’s the truth. I’ve done it all and you look at me like I’m somehow a good person and it makes me want to tear my fucking hair out because it’s all a lie. The truth is that I’m not the good guy. I’m the fucking bad guy, and club or not, that hasn’t changed.” I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath.
It wasn’t exactly a fucking love poem, but it was the truth.
“When did I say that?” Ti asked in a small whisper, temporarily forgetting to row, the boat slid forward toward me. “Tell me, when exactly did I say that I wanted to change you?” Her voice grew louder. Bolder. “Do you think I’m some fucking sheltered idiot? I know who you are and who the Beach Bastards are. I grew up across the county, not across the country. What I want to know is why you somehow think that effects anything? I don’t have you on a pedestal. I’ve got no rose colored glasses when it comes to who you are. Actually, I might be one of the few people in the world who knows the real you. I wanted you because of who you are, not regardless of who you are. You weren’t on a pedestal, you were in my heart!”
WERE
WERE in my heart.
Until I just fucking shattered it.
Ti floated back toward me and I battled with my original plan to push her away again, but the closer she got the more determined I was to fix what I had broken. Tomorrow was coming no matter what happened tonight.
I knelt down to pull her in, but when she saw my outstretched arm she shook her head. Rowing with even more vigor then before, water splashing into the boat in her furious attempt to get as far away from me as possible.
Fuck this.
She just said she wanted me because of who I am and that was a good thing because I was about to show her exactly who I was.
Already barefoot, and wearing only my jeans, I pushed them off my hips and stepped out of them. From Ti’s position I knew she couldn’t see me in the shadows. I tossed my jeans out onto the dock and into the light.
It was a warning. I was coming for her.
I was completely naked, and I didn’t give a fuck.
The slightly salty air tasted like fucking freedom. The musty smell of decay of the nearby wetlands stung my nose but I wanted more.
More was the plan.
More was in a rowboat in the middle of the big bay and I couldn’t help but think how little she looked. How innocent. How vulnerable.
My cock hardened.
“What are you doing?” Ti called out, the fear in her voice doing nothing to placate my raging hard on.
“Suddenly, I feel like a fucking swim,” I said wickedly, stretching my arms over my head.
“No! Stay away, Bear. I mean it!” Ti shouted, lapping her oars so hard into the water she was finally able to break free of the current, gliding easily across the water. “You’re not coming in here.”
That’s what you think.
“Oh, yes. I fucking am,” I muttered. I sucked in a deep breath and dove head first into the dark water.
A predator seeking it’s prey.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Thia
Bear had lost his damned mind.
From the second we left the park he hadn’t been the same.
I knew he wanted me to walk in on him with that girl. It wasn’t what she was doing to him that both pissed me off and broke my heart. It was the fact that I knew he’d done it on purpose. He wanted to get caught.
He wanted to HURT me.
Even though I was free of the current I continued to row, wanting to get far enough away from the shore that Bear would give up on swimming and turn back around. As I got closer to the shore on the opposite side I’d thought I would see other houses surrounding the bay, but the rest of the shore was covered in a mixture of tall thin trees that bent and swayed with the slightest breeze and short stumpy mangroves that sat on top of the water on little sticks that reminded me of the pillars that held up King and Ray’s house.