Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 117357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
I look away because yeah, he’s right. If I could help someone in my position and I had the means, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Still, I don’t like it. I wish he had consulted me about it even though I understand why he didn’t. I would have flat-out refused. I hate the position I’m in. I know this is a good thing for Nan. A wonderful thing, in fact. She’ll get the best care available thanks to Ben, but I feel bad about taking a handout, and I want to know just how much he gave us.
“How much, Ben?”
He sighs in frustration. “I honestly don’t know. My financial manager was in contact with your grandmother’s nursing home. They suggested an amount that would cover her end-of-life care, and he facilitated the payment.”
I’m quiet as I stare out at the forest, trying to cool my temper. I can feel him studying me and I wonder what he must think, what he could possibly be doing standing here with a girl like me, getting tangled up in my life.
“I promise it was nothing much. Really.”
My eyes start to sting as tears gather on my lashes. I blink quickly, trying to wash them away.
“It was a really kind thing you did,” I manage, still not looking his way.
If I do, there’s no telling how many tears will fall.
“I didn’t look at it that way. It just seemed like an injustice to me. You shouldn’t be in this position. You should have never had to quit school and move back here, working two jobs and living in that trailer to help take care of your nan. You should never have been left like this all on your own.”
I look back at him and smile, and it encompasses every ounce of injustice and sadness I’ve felt over the last few months. “Haven’t you heard? Life’s not fair, especially for people like me.”
He looks crushed, and I realize I wasn’t too good at keeping my tears at bay. They roll down my cheeks unbidden before I look back down at the ground, wiping them away furiously.
He reaches up and drops his hand on my shoulder, real slow and gentle, like he’s worried I’ll spook. His hand curves around my shoulder as he tugs me close and envelops me in both arms. I smell him everywhere. It’s like the world only exists with him in it. My eyes close and my head falls into the crook of his neck. The ball of anxiety in my stomach unravels for the first time in a long while.
Then he teases, “You really won’t give me your number?”
I almost smile at the fact that we’re already back to that subject. I knew he wouldn’t let it go.
“I told you I don’t want to do that.”
“What? Talk?”
“No. Just…let’s keep things casual. If I see you, I see you.”
He quiet after that, hugging me in silence. Then he steps back, and something shifts when we meet each other’s eyes. It’s the strangest thing to be around someone you haven’t known that long but who feels like your most intimate friend. A person who’s felt you on the inside, seen you on the inside, and yet there are so many details missing: birthdays, middle names, favorite foods. Getting to know him more is a dangerous game, though. He’s the very definition of too good to be true. I know he’s leaving, and even still, I’m getting swept up in the idea of us being together. It’s unhealthy and sad. A surefire way to land me a broken heart.
I make my apologies, slide off the car, and head for home before I do something stupid like follow him back to his cabin and give in to him a second night in a row.
Chapter Seventeen
Raelynn
It’s early morning, predawn, and I’m sitting at the table in my trailer, sipping coffee. When I can, I try to make a batch with my cheap French press before I head into the diner. It’s much nicer to sit and enjoy my morning cup while I read than when I’m running around like a crazy person at work. It’s dark outside and earlier than I used to ever dare dream of waking up. My teenage self would call me crazy if she knew I would one day willingly wake up earlier than I absolutely had to so I could get things done before work.
Usually, I’d have a textbook or journal spread out before me. Occasionally, I’ll read through some old notes from my classes to brush up on the material. Today, however, I’m contemplating my path forward. Ben’s donation changes a lot of things, but not everything. I can’t go back to California right now. I can’t leave Nan. I could quit one of my jobs, but I’d rather keep working both and save up as much as I can so that when the time comes for me to leave, I’m prepared to do it. I do think I’ll cut back one of my days with the cleaning company though so I can have another free afternoon with Nan. I’m going to coordinate her first session with the occupational therapist today and ensure I’ll be able to be there with her.