Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 117357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117357 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 587(@200wpm)___ 469(@250wpm)___ 391(@300wpm)
She stumbles a little bit as she walks, but Ben keeps a strong hold on her so she can keep right on going. Even still, Levi jumps off his scooter and comes running to check on her. With three older brothers, Millie is never in need of a hero.
The boys begged and begged me for a baby sister, and I would laugh and tell them I had my hands full already. Three boys have a way of keeping you on your toes at all times, but in the end, they got their wish. One last surprise pregnancy and here we are, a family of six.
Ben still plays in the NBA, but he and I have discussed this being his final season. He’s accomplished all he’s wanted to with the league, and he hates having to miss so much time with our family while he’s out on the road. Before Caleb was in school, we’d travel as much as we could with him, but those years were hard. Levi and Hayden were both so little, and Caleb too. Donna would travel with me—we’ve become so close because of it—and I was happy to do it until Caleb needed to be in school every day and I got pregnant with Millie. My last pregnancy made me sick as a dog from the time I was six weeks to the night I delivered. Travel wasn’t possible unless it was merely from my bed to the toilet.
“I’m going to call Coach today,” Ben says as we round the corner and see the park up ahead.
“Oh yeah?”
“To talk about the upcoming season.”
Millie turns and buries her head in my legs. I pass my coffee off to Ben and swing her up into my arms.
“Just about the schedule?” I’m confused about why he’s telling me he has a call with Coach. They talk all the time. At this point, Ben’s played for him for over a decade, and they’re good friends.
“I’m not going back.”
I stutter-step and my gaze flies up to him. “What do you mean you’re not going back?”
He smiles, and even though it carries a note of sadness, especially near his eyes, he mostly looks relieved.
“I can’t leave you and the kids again. Not like last season. I’ve been wavering back and forth, but it’s just too hard.”
“But basketball is your life.”
He tilts his head, aiming a glare at me that screams, Are you kidding?
“You and the kids are my life.”
It’s impossible to keep my chest from filling with hope.
“Are you sure?”
I don’t want to get used to the idea if his mind isn’t completely made up. The last few years have been too hard. I had Millie and a few short weeks later, Ben was back on the road for basketball. I wouldn’t have survived without Donna and Nina.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
“But what are you going to do?”
He shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about coaching. But honestly, for right now, all I care about is being with you guys. School drop-off, tee-ball practice, all of it. I can’t do that while I’m traveling half the year.”
I’m embarrassed that I’m crying. The tears sprang up on me so suddenly I can’t possibly hide them from him. This decision has weighed so heavily on me, and I’ve tried to be a team player. I haven’t burdened Ben with my complaints, and even now, I try my best to encourage him even at the expense of my own happiness.
“You could do the final year? The fans will be so upset to lose you.”
He frowns, almost angrily, as he sees the tears swimming in my eyes. Does he realize how much I’ve kept from him?
“I’ve given this city enough of me.”
I nod, understanding.
“This will free us up a lot. Especially you.” His gaze holds me captive as he continues, “You’ll be able to take that part-time position with Professor Olmsted.”
My mouth drops. “How did you—”
“I saw the email you printed out. On our desk. Were you going to tell me about it?” he asks, sounding sad more than accusing.
I look away and shake my head.
I didn’t want to bring it up because I was never going to actually go through with it. Not this year. We were going to prioritize Ben’s last season with the team, and my dreams were going to have to wait a little longer. I hate that I had to step back from my work after I finished my PhD, but I had no other choice. With all the traveling, there was no way for me to maintain a position at Caltech, not to mention all my back-to-back pregnancies. We’ve been busy building our family, and I was okay with that. More than okay. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with my family.
But still, I printed out that email because it was the only thing I could do with it. I wanted to ensure it was real, that I was still a human with interests and pursuits outside of my role as a mom and wife. That my identity as a woman of science still existed, at least on that thin piece of paper.