Total pages in book: 29
Estimated words: 27552 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27552 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
His bright green eyes appear even brighter under the glow of the full moon. “Do you remember when I told you that you scared the shit out of me?”
I recall the memory and the words we exchanged that night inside of his truck while we watched Max from a distance.
“I’ve been in a maximum-security prison. I’ve been around the worst of the worst. I’ve had to sleep with one eye open, thinking my next breath could be my last,” King says.
“Why are you telling me all this?” I ask.
He turns toward me and our eyes lock. He reaches out and runs the back of his pointer finger along my cheek. “Because I want you to know that none of those motherfuckers ever scared me as much as you do.”
My body warms at the memory. I graze my fingertips against my cheek as if I can still feel the warmth of his touch from that night. “I do remember.”
How could I ever forget?
“Pup, I was scared of that innocent version of you,” King’s lips remain flat as he looks back over the bay. He covers our joined hands with his other hand. He turns at the waist, his upper half now facing me. He reaches out and cups my face in both of his hands. “Now, you’re a mother who would do anything to protect her kids at any cost.”
“So, you’re not scared of me anymore.” It’s not a question. I hate the sound of defeat in my voice and how deflated I feel inside.
“No, Pup, you don’t get it.” King growls. His gaze bores into mine. “I was scared of you back then. Now?…I’m fucking terrified.”
King was never great at words, and so he drives his point home, communicating the way he knows will get his point across.
His lips claim mine in a raw, emotional possession of my mouth and my soul.
He pulls back, leaving me wanting more and hating the space between us, so I fill the space with long overdue words. I take a moment to collect my thoughts and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. I take a deep breath because King’s right. It’s time to tell him everything.
“Since Nicole Grace was born, it’s been like there’s this…this thing. This entity of hopelessness weaving its way inside my body, like a parasite, telling me that it’s impossible for me to be happy. Like at any second, all of this could go away. You. The kids. I can’t lose any of you. I was walking around feeling nothing but worry or guilt every single second of the day and most of the night because I couldn’t sleep. You, the kids, you’re everything to me. The thought that anything could happen to any of you at any time was overwhelming me, making the smallest tasks seem like climbing a mountain. I shut down. And then with the hurricane coming and then Tricia showing up…it all just exacerbated those feelings. It became too much. The voice inside my head grew louder and the hopelessness dug its nails into me even deeper.”
“I’m sorry you went through that.” King says, reaching for my hand. “How do you feel now?”
I smile. “I was just thinking about that when Dre came over. “Happy. For the first time in a long time, I feel happy.”
King’s eyes brighten. “Good. So fucking good.” He presses a kiss to my head, and I hear the relief in his words. He sighs into my hair, and it’s like I can feel some of the worry leaving him with his breath.
“You know, when I was out there in the hurricane trying to get to Max and I was terrified, but then I remembered something someone very important once told me. Something I’d forgotten in the haze,” I say, looking up into his eyes.
“What was it?”
I squeeze his hand. “Stop being alive, and start living. Your words. It was your voice pushing me on when the other voice was trying to pull me down. Somewhere in between the time I jumped in the water and the time I reached Max, I realized that things happen. Hurricanes happen. Tragedies happen. I made a promise to myself that when it was all over and Max was safe that I would fight against the voice and do everything I could in order to not spend my time worrying about when the other shoe is going to drop. I have to live instead of being afraid of the things life could bring.” I sigh. “I mean, it was easier said than done. It wasn’t like I magically thought I would be better and poof it happened. The fading hormones and antidepressants have played a big part in that.”
The day after I gave birth, the roads were cleared and King was able to take me and Polly to the hospital to make sure there were no post-birth complications. That’s when I met Ruby, the nurse who listened to me as I cried and broke down and told my life story. She’s also the one who pulled a doctor into my room from the hallway and forced him to write me a prescription for antidepressants right then and there.