Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 64366 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 215(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64366 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 215(@300wpm)
I was too tired and wrung out from worry to be offended at the implication that I would go around blabbing about Kage’s personal life. “Of course I would never say anything. I care about him. I love him.” I ran a hand over my face and debated with myself over whether or not to bring up the elephant in the room. But it had to be addressed if Kage and I were going to be together. “What about the choking thing? You and I haven’t really discussed it, and I was wondering if it was, you know… safe for me.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Honestly, I don’t. I’ll need to assess him when he’s not medicated like this. My initial feeling is that this was a one-time incident. Now that his memory is no longer repressed and his conscious mind can finally deal with it, his subconscious can stop fighting so hard to make him remember. Do you have any idea what could have been the trigger for this? There’s usually something significant that happens to cause it to surge up.”
“Um…” I toed the floor, turned away and paced to the balcony. “I think I do know what the trigger was, but I’m embarrassed to tell you.”
“Why would you be embarrassed?”
I laughed and ran a hand nervously through my hair. “Oh, there are several reasons. Number one: it was my fault, number two: it was sexual, and number three: it was really fucked up.”
Dr. Tanner rolled her eyes to the ceiling and crossed her arms like an angry mother. “What was it? Spit it out.”
“Well, there were these comments online, and one of them was a guy saying he’d love to have Kage choke him out. But in a sexual way.”
“Jamie, do you know how dangerous that is?”
I snorted humorlessly. “I do now. At the time, I was just thinking he’d like it. Because, you know…” I glanced up at her, waiting for her to give some indication that she knew where I was going with this.
“I know what?” she prompted.
“That he likes his sex a little on the hardcore side.”
“As a matter of fact, I know many things about him, and that is one of them. But you say he likes it on the hardcore side. Does that mean you don’t?”
“Well, I…” My face started to get hot. “I never did anything like that before. Then I met him, and he was so persuasive.”
“So he coerced you into doing things you didn’t want to do?”
“No! God, why do I feel like you’re trying to psychoanalyze me?” Kage stirred on the bed in response to my outburst, and I dropped my voice. I didn’t want to disturb his rest, and I also didn’t exactly want him to hear me talking about our sex life and all of the weird feelings that might go along with it. “All right, Dr. Tanner. Yes, I do like it. I like it very much. It’s just that, before I met Kage, I had no idea I had urges like that. In fact, he’s the first guy I’ve ever been with. I’d always been with girls before. Does that satisfy your curiosity?”
“Actually, it’s not curiosity. You happen to be dating my patient, and he can’t speak for himself right now. His sex life is directly related to the situation, since your activities apparently triggered a PTSD episode, and you are exactly one half of that sex life. So I think my questions are reasonable, don’t you?”
“Fine. I get it. It’s just embarrassing to have to admit some of these things.”
“I know about what happened at your parents’ house, Jamie.”
My eyes went wide. “The pantry? When did he tell you about that? It just happened a couple of weeks ago.”
“I’m referring to the incident in the yard,” she said. “He said he’d hurt you. How do you feel about that?”
I shrugged. “I couldn’t wait to see him again. If you’re thinking he did something I didn’t want that night, you’re wrong. I love everything he does to me.”
She took a deep breath and studied Kage’s sleeping form. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, and his face was relaxed. He was at peace for the time being, and that loosened the tightness in my chest and made me feel hopeful again. “I’d like for you guys to be more careful from now on, okay? Less impulsive, at least for a while until we know that he’s getting better. We don’t want any more surprises like last night.”
“But you said you thought it was because his memories were repressed, and now they’re not repressed anymore. Right?”
“That’s right. And in my experience, that is an accurate assessment. I’m just asking you to be cautious for a while.”
I nodded. “Okay. We’ll be cautious.”
“In the meantime, you will go back to school and focus on your studies. That’s what he would want you to do, and you know it. He would feel guilty if he found out you had flunked out of school because of his episode, and the last thing he needs is more guilt.”