Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
“No papers then. We’ll keep this quiet?” she offers and I nod my head.
The idea of sneaking around on my tiptoes and avoiding him doesn’t settle anything in me. I just can’t stand to be around him, that’s really what it is. I’ll try to keep it professional and he’ll destroy me by doing the same. But that’s all there is between us. He made sure of that.
“I need to quit,” I tell her and the last word cracks but I cover my face with my hands and pull myself together.
“First of all,” Lydia starts as she runs her hand down my back in soothing strokes. “It’s only four days that you have to be out there,” she says and then adds with a shrug of her shoulders, “He may not even be here those four days.”
I nod my head but I don’t even know why. I don’t know what I want. I’m supposed to take notes from Nancy after this, but I don’t know how I’ll be able to stay focused.
“Seriously though, you need to let it roll off your shoulders.” Her strength makes me look her in the eyes. “Don’t let this keep you from what you really want.”
What I really want is him. How stupid and naïve can I really be?
“Do you really think Nancy has something better for you right now?” Lydia asks me.
I don’t respond; I can’t even think of words. It’s not the number of days or what’s waiting for me in my career. It’s simply the proximity to Nathan that makes me feel completely undone. Like my body can only move again once he tells me I can. Like I’m only breathing right now so I can live to see what he thinks of us meeting again. So unexpectedly, and so long since he’s pushed me away.
“The pressure is on and Nancy isn’t going to get another offer for you like this, let me tell you,” Lydia starts and I know she’s got a story up her sleeve, but I don’t want to hear it.
“It’ll be okay,” I say out loud although I didn’t mean to. We hid what we did back then, and we can hide it now.
“It will,” Lydia says confidently and I can feel her eyes on me, but I can’t look back at her.
“It’ll kill me if he pretends he doesn’t recognize me,” I whisper and it’s true. It’s probably the worst thing he could do to me and it’s exactly what I’m prepared for. It’s what he did for the last two months of school, right up until he was arrested.
“If he does, he’s an ass. And either way, you’re going to kill it out there.”
“Thank you,” I tell her with every bit of sincerity. She shouldn’t have to put up with me. I got used to being alone and I wish I was right now. With the exception of one person. I’m pathetic.
“I didn’t get you this part so an ex could make you run away,” she says and tries to smile, but my lack of humor or any trace of happiness keeps it away.
Ex isn’t how I would describe him.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” Lydia tells me, breaking me away from my thoughts just as soon as the memories start to creep in. It’s easy for her to say. She doesn’t know a damn thing that happened.
CHAPTER 4
Nathan
Ten years ago
September 12
She’s always running her fingers through her dirty blonde hair. The simple motion sends the sweet smell of lavender and something else my way. It’s faint, but I know it’s her. It’s something sweet and soothing. If I think about her, or even if I see her across the lunchroom or in the school parking lot, I swear I can smell that scent.
I like sitting behind her in geography. I can watch the cute little things she does and it looks like I’m actually paying attention.
This is the only class I haven’t gotten kicked out of so far. The stupid shit doesn’t bother me as much when I can watch her. Even if she never looks at me twice.
The bell rings and the sound rips my eyes away from her and toward the classroom door as a few more students file through. Adam Waynes is the last in and his chair screeches across the floor as he crashes into his seat. He’s loud as fuck and gets all the attention. At the thought, I look to her, to Harlow May. I’m expecting her to be watching the spectacle that would usually piss me off, but instead, those gorgeous blue eyes are on me. She’s quick to look away, again her fingers flying to her hair and twirling her locks nervously as bright pink creeps into her cheeks.
She can be shy all she wants, but I caught her. I caught her looking. Even better, I made her blush. I did that.