Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
The last thing I thought as I went to drive by my old house, was that she’d be here. I was just retracing our steps from when we were kids, praying that’s what she was doing too.
“Stop yelling at me and telling me what to do,” Hally snaps at me the moment I look at her. My hands clench into fists and my jaw tightens as my teeth grind.
“You don’t get to control me,” she adds and then seems to settle down, but it’s because she thinks she’s won this round. And that’s bullshit.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell her simply. I try not to make my words sound harsh. I try to say it like a statement, like a fact. She should know better.
I almost tell her those exact words, but it’ll just set her off. So I wait. I hold my breath until she concedes.
“I know,” she says after a moment and reaches behind her to put her cell phone in her purse, which is at my feet. “I was just leaving,” she says as she turns to sit straight in her seat. She doesn’t look at me and I get the impression she wants me to leave.
But I can’t go that easy. I can’t just let her walk away.
“Don’t shut me out, Hally. I fuck up; I know I do. But I’m here and I want to be here. Please don’t push me away. I can’t take it again.”
She seems to soften slightly, and I keep going. It’s a sign that she’s listening at least and I don’t even know if I deserve that much.
“I have problems,” I start to tell her and I don’t know exactly how to say what I need to say, but I just keep going. “I don’t have people in my life. I never really did except for you, and I know I do stupid shit.” The words fall out of my mouth as if they’re pushing each other to get out and go to her. Like everything in me has been waiting to tell her exactly how I feel. “I’m not good with words or with being there for people because I don’t know how. But Hally, for you, with you, I want to do it all right. I want to be the man you need and deserve, and I refuse to be anything else.”
Hally watches me, searching my expression for something, although I’m not sure what she’s looking for. “I hope you believe me,” I tell her. “You can talk, and I’ll listen. We can start with that, and I’ll learn. I promise I will.”
I only stop speaking because she reaches out to me, putting her small hand against my cheek and I lean forward, wanting more of her touch. My lips graze her palm as she pulls away and I snatch her wrist, refusing to let her go until I can plant a kiss there.
My fingers loosen and I watch her as she withdraws again. My heart beats slowly, each thump noticeable until she answers me.
“Can we start now?” she asks me and for a moment I’m confused. “Can I ask you something?” she asks. I look out of the window at my car and then to the street. I’m tempted to tell her no, that we need to leave. But I can’t tell her no.
I nod my head and she asks, “Do you ever think about it?”
“All the time,” I answer her quickly and it’s the truth. I’ll never forget it. “The sound of,” I pause to swallow before continuing and she interrupts.
“His head cracking,” she says as she stares out of the windshield and looks at the brick wall of the church.
“No,” I answer in a breath and she looks at me. “Of you crying out for help.” I’ll never forget how terrified she was. What almost happened to her will haunt me for the rest of my life.
She steadies her bottom lip in her teeth, refusing to cry as she turns away from me again.
“Talk to me,” I tell her, reaching out and resting my hand on her thigh. “Please,” I beg her.
“I wish you hadn’t pushed me away. I needed someone, Nathan.” Her admission makes me feel like less of a man. I only pray she can forgive me. It’s all I need.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I left you,” I tell her as my eyes stare deeply into hers, the seriousness beneath the sincere vulnerability enough to paralyze me. “I’ll never throw you away again.”
I can tell it hurts her to hear what I’m telling her. She covers her face with her hands and lets the tears fall.
“I won’t let you leave,” I breathe the words. “Fight me, hate me, whatever you need … Just don’t stop loving me.”
Her lips turn down and her forehead creases. “Nathan, you have no idea, do you?” she asks me and her words are filled with nothing but sadness. My heart doesn’t beat until she finishes her thought. “I could never stop loving you. I just don’t know how to make you happy. I don’t know how to make us work.”