Total pages in book: 44
Estimated words: 42450 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 212(@200wpm)___ 170(@250wpm)___ 142(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 42450 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 212(@200wpm)___ 170(@250wpm)___ 142(@300wpm)
He expected her to call him on it, but Zoe just gave him a long, understanding look.
“But you’re into another guy,” she said.
Pursing his lips, Tyler shrugged. “It’s…It’s complicated.”
“It always is.”
When she didn’t say anything else, Tyler hesitated. He kind of wanted to talk to someone, to figure out what the hell was going on, and he could hardly talk to his best friend about this.
“I just…” Tyler raked a hand through his hair. “He’s my best mate. It was supposed to be meaningless buddy-fucking—it was about getting me off—I was never supposed to want him! I don’t know how it happened.” Tyler deflated, his face becoming hot. “But now I think about him all the bloody time.”
Zoe made a thoughtful sound, her dark eyes a little curious. “Is he your first man?”
“Um, yeah. Obviously.”
“Maybe you should try sleeping with another man? It could help you figure out whether you want that particular bloke or just the sex.”
Tyler couldn’t stop the instinctive grimace at the thought of gay sex with some other guy. “Tried it already,” he said stiffly. “Chickened out at the last minute.” Not to mention that he hadn’t been attracted to Greg in the least; all he had wanted was to get fucked and he couldn’t even manage that.
Tyler bit the inside of his cheek, averting his gaze. “And I’m pretty sure I want him, not just cock.” It was impossible to deny it after he’d spent the last few hours thinking about Nick’s mouth on his. Tyler made a face. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I like women. I love everything about them. I’m not gay.”
Zoe sighed. “Tyler. Look at me.”
He did, reluctantly.
Zoe’s expression was tight, her eyes glinting. “I fooled around with my best friend too when I was seventeen,” she said quietly. “She was my first, and I…I developed feelings for her, but she was straight. It wasn’t serious for her—at least I assumed that it wasn’t. I convinced myself that it wasn’t serious for me, either. So I said nothing, I pretended that it was just meaningless fooling around, that I was straight, too.” Her smile was wide, but there was something infinitely sad and fragile about it. “A few years later, I was the maid of honor at her wedding. I came home from her wedding and looked at my empty flat and…” Zoe’s voice wavered and she looked away. “I wished I could reverse time,” she said hoarsely. “I wished I hadn’t been such a coward. Maybe if I weren’t, we would have been together. Or maybe we wouldn’t be, but at least I wouldn’t have kept thinking about what ifs and maybes and drinking my weight in vodka on her wedding day.”
Tyler felt something heavy and unpleasant settle in his stomach. “I’m sorry.”
She smiled woodenly. “Yeah. Just…Don’t repeat my mistakes. I know it’s scary, I know it’s hard to accept what you are, but do it before it’s too late. He won’t wait for you forever while you figure yourself out. If you stay in denial, he will move on. He will eventually meet someone else and fall in love with them. If you’re talking about Nick, guys like him don’t stay single for long.”
Tyler licked his dry lips, the knot of anxiety in his stomach worsening by the second. “He’s…You’ve got it wrong,” he managed. “He isn’t waiting for me to figure myself out. He doesn’t want me that way for real. I’m not even his type.”
Zoe shrugged. “I assumed that Phoebe wasn’t serious about me, either.”
“Was she?”
Turning away, she laughed. “But that’s the thing. I’ll never know now.”
Tyler watched her clean the counter with jerky movements of her hands and felt a wave of pity. Not knowing for sure was probably the worst thing about Zoe’s story—she had no closure and was unable to truly move on. He wondered if that was why Zoe was almost as terrible at relationships as him, picking up a new girl every few weeks, unable to commit.
He thought about Nick, imagined him falling in love with some gay man, someone who knew what he wanted and who would make Nick happy. It would happen eventually. Zoe was right: a man as attractive and confident as Nick wasn’t going to be single for long. Nick would inevitably meet someone. The Hardaways were family men. Nick might fuck around now, but he was going to eventually want stability, love, and family. Brad—or someone else—would gladly give Nick whatever he wanted. And Tyler…Tyler would probably be the best man—if Nick didn’t get tired of him long before that.
Something hot and ugly filled Tyler’s chest, his mouth tasting like acid. He felt sick.
“I’m fine with my sexuality now,” Zoe said, without turning around. Her voice sounded nothing like her normal sarcastic one. “But you can’t turn back time.” She chuckled. “Last I heard, she had two kids.”