Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
We sit in silence as the doctor does a full body check-up on Eli. I don't get the feeling that he is judging either of us, but he also doesn't ask many questions. It's as if he knows there is nothing we could answer. He is also respectful enough not to ask Eli many questions other than if he has pain anywhere.
Nolan stays with Eli in the examination room when the doctor is done so I can step out and speak with him.
"He's mildly malnourished. I'd focus on getting wholesome foods in him, although calories from his favorite snacks aren't the end of the world," the doctor says as he looks over my shoulder, as if concerned for the next set of words that will come out of his mouth. "He's been through some trauma, and I think a lot of that is mental and emotional. I can't stress enough how important it's going to be to get him set up with a qualified professional. He can come out of this unscathed, but it's going to take him a while to work through all that stuff. This isn't something that can just be ignored. It will manifest in his behaviors, in the way he interacts with others. If gone unchecked, it will cause him problems as an adult."
"I'll see that he gets a counselor immediately," I tell him, although I don't know how to make that happen.
There are a lot of questions in my life right now, but as soon as we leave here, I won't waste a second getting answers. I don't feel the need to be silent and worry about consequences when I open my mouth around Nolan. I have no clue what the future holds, but I know it isn't a cycle of abuse and physical pain.
Chapter 35
Jericho
I heard every word the doctor told Aspen, and just the idea of Eli having lifelong issues because of what occurred so early in his life makes my skin crawl.
I don't blame Aspen. She did the best she could do with the life she was handed. If anything, I blame myself. My bitterness kept me away. My anger over her choices, the betrayal I felt every day when I looked in the mirror, kept me away.
I crossed over that thin line from love to hate so easily, and if I were her, I'd probably hate me too. She suffered when she didn't have to.
How many times did she cry for me? How many times did she wish I was there, thinking I was dead?
I watch Eli as he presses his nose to the window of the helicopter. He's smiling, seeming to be enjoying the ride, but only time will soften the shadows circling his eyes. He has slept most of the day, and the doctor warned that he may want to sleep a lot. Although he needs to rest, we also need to watch for signs of depression. At seven years old, the boy shouldn't have concerns in his life. He shouldn't be stressed, worried, nervous, or anxious, but we were warned that he might experience all those and more.
I know we can meet every single one of his needs going forward and pray that the love we give him will make up for and overpower the trauma he has suffered.
I know now what Aspen meant when she told me she felt helpless. It's digging a hole inside of me, all my worries and fears piling up in the crater and making me antsy.
I turn my attention to Aspen but she's sleeping, her hands gripping Eli in her lap as if she's going to lose him again if she isn't holding him. The doctor mentioned therapy for our son, but I think all of us getting in a couple of sessions wouldn't hurt. Just thinking that makes me realize how much being a parent can change things for people.
I've never wanted to talk about my feelings. I'm a man who can handle his own shit, but I know better. I want to be better for these two.
Even in her sleep, Aspen frowns. If there was a way for me to take all her worries from her, I would. I'd shoulder the weight for both of them if they'd let me, but I have no idea how this situation looks in a week much less in a year or two. I'm not the only one who can make decisions about the direction we take. I can't put my foot down and demand things from Aspen. She might listen for a while, but she'd be bitter. I'd be no different from Damien trying to control her life, and I never want to look into her pretty eyes and see the same hatred that she had for him.
The landing of the helicopter wakes Aspen, and her eyes are wild for a second until she realizes that her reality is the same as it was before she fell asleep. I swear if I hadn't already killed Damien Gaines, I'd hunt him down and do it again for the trauma he's caused both her and Eli.