Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66863 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 334(@200wpm)___ 267(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“No. I wouldn’t decide I didn’t want it,” I told him because I wouldn’t. It’d be much easier if he just chose.
His forehead wrinkled slightly at my answer, which made me feel like it was the wrong one so I said, “Pizza.”
Phil grinned, taking some of the weight off my chest. “Pizza it is. Pepperoni good?”
“Yes,” I replied as I walked around his living room. There were a lot of candles, I noticed. None of them were lit or looked like they had been. There were a few pictures of children as well. When Phil finished ordering the pizza, I asked, “Do you have kids?”
“I do. Twins. They’re five. Would you like a drink? I have water, beer, and wine—both red and white.”
Pick one, pick one, pick one played through my head. It was as if being with Kieran had flipped a switch in me that I hadn’t known was there. Yes, I’d always known control stressed me out to a degree, but I’d always managed better. It had been getting harder and harder recently though, even before Kieran.
“Red,” I answered because it was the first thing to pop into my head.
We drank wine and sat on his sofa talking. When the pizza arrived, we sat on the floor at the coffee table, which I liked. It was comfortable.
We finished eating and I told Phil, “I can take care of the dishes for you.”
He frowned at me as though I’d sprouted another head. “You don’t have to do that. You’re my guest.”
But I wanted to. I wanted to give him this because it felt…it felt right to me, even if it didn’t to him or anyone else.
Phil didn’t give me a chance to say that. He put his hand against my cheek and said, “I like you, Jared. I really want to kiss you, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea because of work.”
He stopped. Waited. For me to give him permission? I didn’t know but I should be able to say yes. I’d show Kieran I didn’t want what he thought I did so I said, “Then kiss me,” even though the words tasted strange on my tongue.
Phil leaned in and took my mouth slowly and tentatively. He didn’t push me, didn’t feel hungry for me…didn’t make me feel hungry for him.
But I wanted to. Wanted to crave Phil the way I did Kieran. Wanted him to make me feel the way Kieran did—wanted to be on fire for him.
“Suck me…please…will you suck me?” I asked and Phil shoved the coffee table away. He fumbled with my pants until he got them open. He leaned over, sucked my cock deep and I waited for that fire to engulf me. It felt good. It was a blowjob, of course it did, but it was different than being on my knees for Kieran. Different than Kieran’s hand in my hair guiding me.
I spread my legs and Phil played with my balls. I reached over, opened his pants and wrapped a hand around his cock, jerking him while he sucked me.
As good as it felt, something was missing.
Phil thrust into my hand as he played with my balls.
I could feel my orgasm tug at me. It was right there, like it was just beyond my reach. I stretched my hands out, reached for it, wanting it so, damn, badly.
Phil kept working me with his mouth. In his defense, I knew it wasn’t him. It was me. There was something wrong with me. “Tell me,” I gritted out as I fisted his hair with one hand and continued to work his cock with the other.
“Tell you what?” Phil asked before going down on my dick again.
“Tell me to come. God, please tell me to come.”
He pulled off, jacked me with his hand before he ordered, “Come for me, Jared. Come.”
My balls drew up tight and I shot. Cum dripped from Phil’s forehead as I spurted twice all over his face.
“Oh shit,” Phil groaned before he shot his load all over my hand.
We sat there a moment in silence. Phil moved first. He wiped the cum off his face, and sat up. “This didn’t really work for you, did it?” Obviously, I’d come but he could tell it had been a struggle for me.
I closed my eyes, felt like shit. Why hadn’t this worked for me? I’d needed him to tell me to come. I’d hungered for his dominance and that wasn’t Phil.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Not like I was in love with you.” Phil winked at me. “At least we both got an orgasm out of it.”
Fear gripped me, clawed at me, ripped through my insides.
None of this felt right. These past few weeks hadn’t felt right.
I didn’t want to choose what we had for dinner or to have to tell a man to kiss me. I wanted him to tell me when to come. To ease my mind by taking control of me.