Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
When the train doors closed, the panic really began to set in. I felt completely trapped and began to shake uncontrollably.
Jake put both of his hands on my trembling arms causing my conflicting emotions to assault one another. Lust was winning by a thread. “It’s okay to feel nervous, Nina. You’re not supposed to be comfortable. Stop trying to fight it and just let those feelings be there.”
When he let go of me, my body craved the return of his touch. I just wanted him to hold me until this disastrous feeling passed or until we got out of that train car. Trying to calm myself, I focused on a baby who was sitting on her mother. If she could do this, I could. She smiled at me, and I smiled back.
He was looking at me, but my shame kept me from making eye contact. I was still shivering while holding onto a pole. It was difficult to accept the uncomfortable feelings instead of fighting them. The train swayed, and I couldn’t tell if it was the normal movement of the vessel or my skewed perception due to nerves.
I jumped when Jake grabbed my chin forcing my eyes on his. “How are you doing?”
“Fine. I just want this to be over.”
“Our stop is next.” He smiled.
Immediate relief washed over me upon hearing that, and the last few minutes of the ride were somewhat bearable because there was now a light at the end of the tunnel.
When the train stopped at the 8th Avenue station, I followed Jake out of the car. My breathing immediately slowed, and I felt on top of the world. I was free.
Turning to me on the platform, he smiled and said, “You’re still with us. Was that so bad?”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “It was about what I expected, but I am glad it’s over. Can we take a cab home now?”
He stared at me silently for several seconds before leading me through the turnstiles and up the stairs to the streets of Manhattan. The noise and smells of the city were a stark contrast to the dark subway station. I hoped, at least, he was taking me somewhere fun.
“Jake? Where are we going?”
He stopped short in front of a Chinese restaurant. The scent of roasting chickens and MSG was nauseating. He turned around to me as swarms of people rushing home from work brushed past us. “Nina…”
Then, I had a light bulb moment, looking at the large backpack he said contained supplies and my heart sank.
“The subway. That wasn’t the exercise…it was just a means to get here. You’re taking me somewhere now, aren’t you?”
Jake nodded. “You need to trust me, okay?”
Panic started to build all over again. The sounds of car horns from the street seemed to get louder as my nerves became sensitized.
I licked my lips nervously as we walked side by side through the sidewalks of New York.
I turned my head to him as we continued walking at a fast pace. “Where are you taking me, Jake? Tell me!”
“If I tell you, you are gonna overreact. Just wait until we get there, and remember what I said. I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you.”
“What if I can’t do it?”
“You always have a choice. But if you choose to back away from this, our deal is off. In the end, you know you’d only be letting yourself down.”
As we walked in silence for about three more blocks, he stopped in front of a high-rise apartment building. “Here we are.”
I hesitated before following him into the front door. A friendly-looking heavyset man greeted us and smacked hands with Jake.
“Jake, my man, how goes it?” He smiled.
“Good, good, Vinny. This is my friend, Nina.”
Vinny stuck out his hand. “Nina, it’s a pleasure.”
“Same here,” I said.
Jake turned to Vinny. “We still good to go?”
“Yeah, man. No problem at all. Take as long as you need.”
“Thanks, Vin. I’ll owe you one.” Jake turned to me. “Come on.”
“Who is he?”
“An old friend. He manages the building.”
Jake led me through the foyer and down a hallway. I knew where this was heading, and it was not good. We stopped in front of an elevator, and he pushed the up button.
This was my absolute worst nightmare. I pleaded with him. “Jake, listen, I don’t know if Ryan ever said anything, but this whole thing…all of my problems…they started in an elevator. It was where my first panic attack happened. I was in high school and got stuck in one and—”
“All the more reason to get past that. If you get in one right now, you can help undo the damage created by your own mind.”
I grabbed his arm and begged. “Please…I’ll do anything else but this.” My eyes were beginning to well up.
When the door opened, he stuck his hand inside to keep it from closing. When he looked back at me, he noticed I was starting to cry.