Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 553(@200wpm)___ 442(@250wpm)___ 369(@300wpm)
Everyone but me knew that my baby may have died tonight.
“Is the baby…” I couldn’t even say it, couldn’t even fathom it.
She began to cry harder, squeezed her eyes shut and was barely audible. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
“He just did a pelvic exam, and now they’re running a blood test and coming in to do an ultrasound. We’ll know something soon.”
I covered my mouth, talking into my hand. “No.”
Once the initial shock faded, I closed my eyes and immediately started praying.
Dear God, please let our baby be okay.
My hand moved gently over her stomach as if it were covered in shards of broken glass. “You’ve been going through this all alone. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“When I first found out, I was so scared. You were going through so much. How could I possibly tell you that you were about to be a father on top of that? So, I put it off. I lied to you that first night back from my parents’. I told you I had my period and that I just wasn’t feeling well, but it was really morning sickness. Then, I started to freak out, wondering how I was going to continue school and take care of a baby when you were leaving every weekend to visit Ivy. That’s why I woke up in a sweat that night. After that, I knew I had to stay away from you, because I couldn’t look into your eyes and keep it from you, but I wasn’t ready to tell you, because that would have made it real.”
My tone bordered on angry. “Jesus…were you ever going to tell me?”
“Yes…of course. The more days that passed, the more I realized how much I missed you, that I couldn’t ever live without you or with the thought of not going through with having our baby. I’m too young, and the timing is wrong, but each day, I became more certain that this was just meant to be. I had a part of you growing inside of me. I knew I loved my baby…our baby. So, I knew it was time to tell you. That’s when I left you that voicemail and headed straight for the apartment.”
“The night you saw Lexie there,” I said under my breath, shaking my head in understanding.
“I was still going to tell you if this hadn’t happened. I just didn’t know how to approach it since we weren’t together anymore. I had been waiting for the three-month mark next week to be sure the pregnancy was definitely going to be viable, before turning your world upside down.”
“Tell me what happened last night.”
“I came clean to Ryan about the pregnancy. I needed to tell someone. Even though I knew how he felt about you, he really is like a brother to me. I wasn’t ready to tell my parents. Of course, he knew the baby was yours. He broke down in guilt and told me the truth about the night I walked in on you. He wasn’t going to ever tell me because he wanted you out of my life. He’s never thought you were good for me.”
I wanted to kill him.
She continued. “I got so upset at him for keeping it from me that I hit him. I truly hated him for what he did. But I was more upset at myself for not believing in you. I cried the entire night. I was so overcome with sadness and felt like I was going to die from it. Then, that song that Jimmy and your Dad loved, Crimson and Clover, came on the radio, and I totally lost it. I tried to get some sleep, but all I could think about was how I had kept something so important from you for so long.” She was starting to break down again.
“Please don’t cry. I love you so much. Come here.” I held her in my arms for minutes until the tears stopped, and then she continued the story.
“After Ryan left, I was in bed and started feeling some wetness. When I looked down, there was blood all over my sheets. I was so scared because it felt like I was losing the baby. It was my fault for getting so upset. I—”
“No way. No. Nina…you will not blame yourself for this.”
“It is my fault.”
“If you want to blame someone, blame me. I was the one who never used a condom that day I practically attacked you when I found you in my bed. None of this would have happened if I had been responsible and protected you. To be honest, though, I wouldn’t go back and change anything, if this baby turns out to be okay. The only thing I would regret is causing you pain, but a child with you would be a blessing.” I buried my face in her neck and breathed in her delicate scent.