Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 92930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92930 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 465(@200wpm)___ 372(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
I opened the door. It was quite a vision to behold: Skylar, Mitch, three kids and a caged parrot.
“Pick a lane, ballbag!”
“Ugh…what did the bird just say?” I asked, stepping out of the way to let them enter.
Skylar sighed. “Sorry. We have no way of controlling what things stick with him. Mitch got a little bit of road rage on I-95, and Seamus just won’t let it go.”
The bird squawked. “Pick a lane, ballbag!”
“Well, that’s just great for the kids,” I said, sarcastically.
Skylar kissed me on the cheek. “Welcome to our lives, Sissy. How’s your fiery vagina, by the way?”
“Only you would ask me such a question right off the bat. It’s actually a lot better. Thanks for asking.”
“Let me at her.” She lifted the blanket to get a peek of Kennedy, who was still suckling on my breast. “She looks just like Jake.”
“I know.”
Mitch was holding their one-year-old son. “Do you know your Wi-Fi password? Henry needs the internet.”
“Sure. It’s written down next to the cordless phone in the kitchen.”
Mitch and Skylar’s older son, Henry, had autism and was mostly non-verbal. He kept to himself the majority of the time while fixated on electronic devices. Henry had already taken his spot on the couch with his iPad.
Their daughter, Lara, who was around A.J.’s age, went in search of my son.
A.J. appeared, holding his tablet. “Hey, Lara. You wanna play terraria in my room?”
“Sure.” Lara’s long auburn hair swung as she followed him down the hall.
Mitch lifted a sippy cup to Mitch Jr.’s mouth. “If your son is anything like his father, I think we’re gonna have to put a stop to the hanging out in A.J.’s room in about five to seven years.”
“We’ll deal with that when it comes.” I laughed.
“That’s gross. They’re practically like brother and sister,” Skylar said.
Mitch put his arm around her. “That’s not gonna matter to them when their hormones start taking over. Remember how we felt at that age? You were sort of like my sister back then, and I wanted to do very bad things to you.”
I interjected, “Well, I’m his mother, and I have to agree. A.J. is just like Jake, and if that’s the case, we could be in trouble.”
The door slammed shut, and Jake appeared. “Did someone call my name? Trouble?”
“We were talking about how similar you and A.J. are and how they might want to lock Lara up in about seven years.”
“Oh, without a fucking doubt,” Jake said, taking off his coat.
Mitch sat down with the baby next to Henry. “I have to say, having a daughter gets scarier with each year.”
“Lara’s starting to get boobs already.” Skylar shook her head. “It ain’t even funny.”
Jake walked over and kissed me before lifting the blanket to peek in on Kennedy. “If this little thing ends up being anatomically anything like her mother, I better start a gun collection.”
Skylar took Mitch Jr. from her husband and joined them on the couch. “I was just saying how Kennedy is like your mini-me, Jake.”
“What can I say? Let’s just hope she’ll at least have Nina’s sweet personality.”
“Pick a lane, ballbag!”
Jake whipped his head to the left where the bird sat in his cage in the corner of the room. “You brought Seamus?”
Laughing, I said, “Yes, I told them to bring him, figuring it’s a zoo around here lately anyway. We might as well add him to the mix.”
Jake snapped his finger and turned to Mitch. “You know what I just bought?”
“What?”
“That stuff to make your favorite drink, Bitch.”
“What drink is that?”
“What do you call it again? Crying Climax?”
“Weeping Orgasm.”
“Well, we’re making it later. How about a beer for now?”
Jake took two bottles out of the paper bag he’d brought in and handed one to Mitch.
Mitch twisted the cap off, took a swig and said, “So, Jake, you’ll have to tell us the full story of the elevator birth. I can’t even imagine.”
“Man, you haven’t lived until you’ve pulled your child out of the woman you love with a Celine Dion song playing in the background.”
Mitch held up his palm. “I’m pretty sure I’m okay with foregoing that rite of passage.”
We all got a good laugh out of that one. I looked around the room. The dog was now licking Jake’s face. The bird was shouting obscenities from his cage in the corner. Squeals of laughter from A.J. and Lara could be heard coming from down the hall. Henry was listening to frightening YouTube videos of television jingles playing in slow motion. My best friend, Skylar, was cancer-free, and we were holding the miracle babies we both thought we’d never have. This was life. Life was good and so precious.
The health and well-being of the people I loved most were all that really mattered. Driven by our egos, we spend so much time worrying about the little stuff while letting what’s really important pass us by.