Total pages in book: 70
Estimated words: 67905 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 226(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67905 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 226(@300wpm)
He closed his eyes and took a breath, swallowing his emotion before he looked at me again. “Astrid—”
“There are things I want to know, but I know you’ll never tell me. Were you already with Carson when we met? How many others were there these last three years? Why did you marry me and not her? So many fucking questions…”
“Astrid, I fucked up—”
“Biggest understatement I’ve ever heard.”
“I married you because I loved you. I’ve never loved her. And after hurting you, I realized how much that hurt me. And that’s why I changed—”
“Oh my god, I think I’m falling in love with you again…”
He cringed at my savage mockery.
“How did I get so lucky?”
“I understand it’s a lot to ask—”
“Don’t ask,” I said. “The answer is no, Bolton. A big fucking no.”
“I love you so fucking much, and I want to be in this marriage with you—”
“I’ve been in this fucking marriage this entire time, and you’re just showing up to the party. Fuck no—and fuck off.” I really wanted to grab that gun and shoot him in the arm just to watch him bleed, the way my heart had bled these last two days. “I’ve been sitting here alone for the last two years while you’re off with Carson. Were you even working? Do you have a couple kids with this woman?”
“Astrid, come on—”
“Come on?” I snapped. “Why don’t you just tell me to calm down while you’re at it.”
“I don’t have any kids—”
“Why did you marry me?”
“I told you it’s because I love you.”
“But you don’t love me, Bolton. You don’t marry someone and then fuck around. Maybe, maybe, if it was a one-time drunken mistake, we might be able to work past that, but this is just a dumpster fire of lies, deceit, and infidelity. If you’re going to sit there and say you love me, then you’re a goddamn psychopath. Are you a psychopath?”
He stared at me.
“I’m actually asking you. Because that’s the only explanation I can think of.”
He said nothing. Now, his eyes were dry.
“You robbed me of my youth.” I didn’t have much time left. Now I had to find someone else, fall in love, and then pop out a few kids back-to-back. “Your promises were lies. Your commitment was a hoax. All of this feels like one big fucking nightmare.”
He dipped his head in shame and looked at the table.
“This is what we’re going to do. You’re going to leave. I’m going to pack up my things and move out over the next couple of days. I’ll file for divorce. Don’t worry, I’m not going to take your money because I don’t want it. I don’t want a penny of something that was never mine to begin with.”
He lifted his chin and looked at me.
“Go, Bolton.” The rage acted as a plug to my tears. It gave me more strength than I actually had, a surge of adrenaline and endorphins. But once he was gone, I knew I would break down once again.
He remained in the chair across from me.
“If you stay, then I’ll go. But you’re just making it more difficult for me, and after what you’ve done, I would hope that you would want to make my life easier—for once.”
He reached for the gun that I’d set beside me.
I stilled, unsure what he was about to do. Point that gun at me…or at himself.
He started to pull it apart, piece by piece, dismantling the gun so quickly, it seemed to be muscle memory for him. He left the pile of parts on the table between us, a metallic hors oeuvre. Then he sank back against the chair and looked at me. “You aren’t leaving.”
All I did was breathe. In and out. Slowly at first. Then quicker.
It was something about the sound of his voice, a tone I’d never heard before. He didn’t raise his voice in volume, but he somehow compounded it with intensity, with a threat so invisible but so obvious.
His eyes remained locked on mine, so steady he seemed robotic. “I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was gentle but still had a bite to it. His blue eyes seemed apathetic, even a little frustrated. He’d been in tears just minutes ago, but now he possessed the emotional range of a brick. “But I will.”
All the fire that burned inside me was snuffed out by the threat. The way he said it with such conviction, the way he said it with a subtle plea, the way he stared at me like his guns were aimed at my head.
“An apology doesn’t excuse what I’ve done. I realize that. But I’m a changed man, and there’s only one woman I want—that’s you. We’re going to stay in this marriage. We’re going to work at this marriage. And we’re going to make it.”