Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 71911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 360(@200wpm)___ 288(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
His jaw clenched even harder as he stared at me.
When I spoke again, my voice came out gentle. “I’m not going to stop seeing him.”
“When we decided on our arrangement, we did it together—”
“I want a divorce.” No one expected their marriage to end in divorce. Even though half of marriages failed, I’d expected to be in the other half that succeeded. “I should have asked for it in the first place.” It had just taken me time to accept that my marriage was over, that I couldn’t get over his infidelity, that whatever love I thought we had had died or never existed in the first place. “Now you’re free, Bolton. Free to fuck all those women who mean nothing to you.”
His eyes dropped. “I’m not going to let you go, Astrid.”
“Too bad,” I said. “Because you already did.”
I grabbed a bag and threw a couple items inside, not really thinking about the essentials I needed because I was still in shock. Shock that I was packing my shit and leaving my home of two years…my husband of two years.
I wanted to cry, but once the tears were shed, I’d fall to my knees and never rise again. My anger spurred me on, made me grab my makeup and brushes off the vanity and shove them on top of the clothes I’d packed.
If Bolton cut me off from our bank accounts, I still had my money from my job, so I would be able to get by for a while. I could stay at a hotel until I figured out my next plan, until our divorce was final and I could move on.
I left my wedding ring on the nightstand and zipped up my bag before I hoisted it over my shoulder. When I turned around, I almost fell back because I’d run into a wall. He came up behind me without my noticing, either because he was that quiet or I was that distracted.
His arms were by his sides, and his eyes were full of sorrow. “Please don’t go.” His voice was gentle instead of angry like it’d been at dinner. The silent plea in his voice somehow made him more human, made him seem average…and not a hit man for hire.
I turned away.
He grabbed my arm. “Astrid.”
I twisted out of his grasp. “I’m sorry.”
He grabbed me again.
I twisted out of the hold exactly as he’d taught me years ago. “No, I’m not sorry.” I stepped away so he couldn’t reach me again, his body between me and the door, a barrier thicker than the Great Wall of China. “I’m not sorry because I didn’t do this. You did.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m fucking sorry.”
“An apology doesn’t clean your dick, Bolton.”
“You’re acting like I cheated on you. You agreed—”
“The second you wanted to fuck another woman, you did cheat.”
“Astrid, it’s the real world. You’ve seen my clients with their handful of mistresses. Powerful men always cheat on their wives. It’s just how it is.”
“Wow. Just how it is…”
“But I’ve never been that way with you,” he said. “Which is why I asked you. I understand it hurt you, but if you’d said no, I wouldn’t have done it. Maybe that’s not romantic for you, but it’s a sign of my commitment to you. That has to mean something to you.”
“I want a husband who doesn’t want to cheat on me, Bolton,” I snapped. “That’s what I want.”
“No man wants to fuck the same woman for the rest of his life. Sorry, but that’s the truth. Monogamy is an obligation, not a privilege.”
“If you feel that way, then why the fuck did you marry me?”
“Because I loved you,” he insisted. “Because I still do. You need to understand, wanting to fuck a woman is very different from wanting to make love to a woman. You’re the woman I want to come home to. You’re the woman I want to spend time with. You’re the woman I want to have my children. I want so much more from you. But yes, sometimes I want to fuck a woman I don’t know just to scratch that itch. That doesn’t mean everything else I’ve said isn’t true. Again, if you had just told me you couldn’t get past it, we wouldn’t be here right now.”
“Don’t you fucking blame me—”
“I do blame you,” he barked. “All you had to do was say no.”
“I want a husband who doesn’t want anyone else but me.”
“Well, that’s not going to happen. All men, at some point in time, desire someone else. It doesn’t mean they love their wives less.”
I thought of Axel and the way he smothered his wife in signs of his love. She was covered in diamonds and gold from his affection. I thought of Theo too, because he seemed like a man who would be the same way. “I don’t believe that. I believe there are men out there who love their woman with everything that they have. And that’s what I want. I’m not going to settle for less. I’m not going to let you gaslight me.”