Total pages in book: 39
Estimated words: 36177 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 181(@200wpm)___ 145(@250wpm)___ 121(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 36177 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 181(@200wpm)___ 145(@250wpm)___ 121(@300wpm)
My voice wavered a little and Conor reached out, placing his hand over mine on top of the bar. “Just because you’ve had relationships that ended doesn’t mean they all will. I’ve been in several relationships myself that didn’t last, but I don’t resign myself to the idea that it will always be the case.”
“Yes, I understand that, but I also know myself incredibly well. I won’t be able to give you what you want.”
“Well, I beg to differ. Also, you have no idea what I want.”
His gruff statement made my chest flutter. I lowered my gaze as I fiddled with the stem of my wine glass. “That’s neither here nor there. I can’t start anything with you, Conor. I’m sorry.” When I lifted my eyes he was staring at me with an inscrutable expression.
“I think about that night sometimes,” he said and I inhaled sharply, not breathing a word as he went on. “My nineteenth birthday. I wonder what would’ve happened if you’d let me kiss you.”
“Conor, you were far too young for me. It would’ve been inappropriate.”
“Not really. It would’ve been unconventional, I’ll give you that, but not inappropriate. And I get that you probably weren’t attracted to me back then. I was just a kid, but I know you’re attracted to me now, Yvonne. Admittedly, I haven’t always been great at reading the signs, but I can read yours. You’re holding back because for some illogical reason you think being with me would be selfish, but I want you to be selfish. You deserve to be.”
What he said caused my throat to thicken with emotion. He’d struck a nerve and I didn’t want to go any further down that road. I’d allowed myself to be selfish once in my life, when I left Dublin to come to New York. I’d never truly gotten over my guilt about that, even if I did send money home and visit every chance I could. Emigrating was my one selfish thing. I couldn’t afford another.
“I’m a complicated person,” I said finally, trying to steer the conversation back around. “Besides, wouldn’t it bother you if I wanted you now that you’re older and successful when I hadn’t wanted you before?”
He arched an eyebrow. “I might not know you as well as I’d like to, Yvonne, but I do know one thing about you. You aren’t shallow or materialistic. If you were you’d be jumping at the chance to go out with me. In fact, if I’d turned up after all these years earning minimum wage you’d still treat me the same. So just to be clear, no, it wouldn’t bother me. Not in the slightest.”
His statement made my chest feel heavy because he was right. I would treat him the same. It wasn’t that I was particularly virtuous, it was merely that I hadn’t grown up with wealth so I didn’t really expect it in life. I cared about money because I needed it to pay my bills, but I could pay my own way. I didn’t go after rich men. Every single one of my past boyfriends had worked completely average, normal jobs.
I cleared my throat. “Even so, you don’t need someone like me, Conor. You need someone like, like…” I paused, glancing across to a table of attractive twenty-somethings enjoying a girls night out. “Someone like one of them.”
Conor’s eyes briefly flicked in the direction of the women before he quickly brought his attention back to me. “I don’t want someone like them. I want someone like you. No, not someone like you, just you, Yvonne. From the very first time you smiled at me I was gone for you and you didn’t even know it.”
“Conor, please—”
“Just listen. I get it. You say you don’t want this. I’m not a dickhead. I won’t push, but I would like to be friends. I enjoy your company and I’d hate for us not to see each other more.”
“Friendship might not be the best idea,” I said warily and Conor clutched his chest like I’d wounded him.
“Fuck, that’s cold Yvonne. You don’t even want to be friends?” He was going for playful but I could tell I’d hurt him, which was why I relented.
“Okay, no need to be so dramatic,” I chided. “We can try being friends. I suppose we’ll have to if things work out with Ev and Dylan.”
“An obligatory friendship. Just what I was hoping for,” he deadpanned.
I fought a smile. How did he manage to remain so charming when I was rejecting him like this? I hated myself so much for making him feel bad but I was honestly doing him a favour in the long run. Unable to help myself, I softly touched his shoulder. “It’s for the best. You’re going to meet the love of your life one of these days and then you’ll be glad you didn’t waste your time with the wrong person.”