Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83772 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 419(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
“It is the same subject,” he snapped. “Theo, you would never ask me to do something like this unless this woman meant the fucking world to you. She tells you she loves you, and you just sit there and say nothing back?” He stabbed his cigar into the ashtray to put out the flame. “You sound like a coward.”
I ground my teeth at the insult, dragging my fingers across my jawline as I paused to control my temper. “I’m not a coward—”
“Then tell her.”
“Stay the fuck out of my relationship, Axel.”
“I told Scarlett I loved her. Said it to her face like a fucking man. Said it even when I knew she wouldn’t say it back. Astrid’s got bigger balls than you do.”
I’d never wanted to hit him before, but now, my knuckles wanted to knock his fucking teeth out. “You were divorced, Axel. Not widowed.”
“It was ten years ago—”
“I’ll make sure to say the same to you when you watch Scarlett die,” I snapped. “When she’s bald and can’t get out of bed and she’s already so dead she barely looks alive. When you bury her, and the second you turn your goddamn back, the gravediggers show up and cover her in six feet of dirt when her coffin is still warm from the sun—”
“Stop.” He abruptly left the couch and walked to the window, turning his back on me as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“It stops for you, but it never stops for me.” I got to my feet, too angry to sit still. “Don’t tell me ten years has been long enough to get over it when you don’t get over shit like that. I’ve shot men between the eyes and stuffed them in oil drums, but she was innocent…and good…and she didn’t fucking deserve that.” I smashed my cigar into the ashtray before I stormed out, eager to get the fuck out of that house and back to the garage. Losing my wife had been harder than losing Killian, not because I loved her more, but because I didn’t have to watch him die. I didn’t have to see it…listen to it…and want it to be over just so I didn’t have to suffer anymore, even though I wasn’t the one who’d had to die.
“Theo.”
I crossed the foyer and reached the elevator before I smashed my finger into the button so hard I almost snapped it in half.
“Theo.”
I kept my back to him and waited for the elevator. I didn’t know why it wasn’t on my floor since I’d just gotten out of it twenty minutes ago.
“I’m sorry—”
“I need to be brave?” I spun around and faced him, not the least bit deterred by the remorse in his eyes. “I watched the woman I loved turn to fucking bones right before my eyes. Held her fucking hand and brought her flowers and talked to her like we had the rest of our lives, even when we only had days. But I’m a coward?” I didn’t feel the tears until they were heavy, until they overflowed like a river and streaked down my cheeks. Then I slammed both hands into my chest. “But I’m a fucking coward?”
He held my stare with growing remorse, his blue eyes the most vulnerable I’d ever seen them. “I—I didn’t know you were carrying all of this—”
“Because you don’t have a clue what I lost. Be grateful every fucking day that you don’t, asshole.” I sniffed and quickly wiped away the tears, bringing myself back to calm within my next breath.
“I am.” He spoke with a quiet voice. “You know I’ll protect Astrid with my life, Theo. Maybe you aren’t ready to say it, but I know how you feel about her.” His eyes shifted back and forth between mine. “I know she’ll wait forever to hear you say it back.”
I turned back to the elevator because the doors finally opened. “Do me a favor and keep this to yourself. If you’re fucking capable of that.” I stepped into the elevator and hit the button again, desperate to get the fuck out of there.
Axel put his hand on the door to stop it from closing.
“Axel, I’ve never hit you before, so don’t make me start now.”
His arm stayed on the door, and he stared me down.
“I mean it.”
He finally released the door and stepped back.
The doors shut, and the elevator began its slow descent to the garage. I focused on the metal door before I slammed my fist into it and dented it right in the center.
I was the only one in the Underground.
The last bartender had tried to fuck me before she left, as if pussy would cure the blues.
I ignored her and poured my own drinks. Didn’t realize the time until Astrid texted me. Are you okay? It was almost eleven in the morning. I’d been out all night and had no idea the day had already started because there were no windows down here.