Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 46715 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 46715 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 234(@200wpm)___ 187(@250wpm)___ 156(@300wpm)
Sudden sexual encounters, then gaslighting.
I hate to think of him like that, but what if it’s true?
It can’t be.
I lean down and start on the tattoo, gritting my teeth as the needle connects with his skin. It’s like my hand is trying to throw the gun away, squeeze onto him instead, and give in to this constant temptation.
But I have to focus unless I want to mess up the biggest gig of my life.
I’m not sure how long passes, but I’m able to get into my work, concentrating on the outline of the connecting piece between the tribal and what will be the gravestone.
“You’re doing great,” Silas says.
I flood with warm feelings, my head rushing with them, my heart aching. It’s so silly, I tell myself, so stupid.
He’s just being nice.
“Thank you.”
“And you’re still young,” he goes on. “You’ve got so much time to perfect your craft.”
“I’m not that young,” I firmly say as if I’m making a point.
But there’s no point to be made. The heat we shared is dead.
“How old are you?” he asks.
“Nineteen,” I tell him. “But I feel about ninety compared to some of the people my age.”
“How so?”
“It’s like everyone wants to spend their life partying and sleeping around. And that’s fine. People are free to make their own choices, obviously. But it’s not what I want.”
His back trembles, causing me to raise the needle for a moment. It’s like a savage vibration moves through him.
“What do you want?”
I bite down, wondering if I should tell him this. It could lead to more misread signs. If I tell him I want kids, all I’ll be able to think about is him wanting them too.
With me.
But I can’t exist in this gaslit place forever.
“I want to focus on my craft like you said and hopefully find a man to settle down with. I….”
“What, Lauren?” he fiercely says as if pissed at me for stopping.
“I’d like to start a family young, if it was possible.”
My voice wavers as I think about my tattooed man in the pool with our kids, tossing them in the air, his silver hair catching the sun before they splash and laugh and love.
“Of course, it’s possible,” he says. “If that’s what you want. I’m sure you’ve got lots of options.”
“Options,” I mutter. “Not really.”
“Men must ask you out,” he says, his tone getting harsher, as though he deserves to have a say after how we left things.
I could lie, tell him men ask me out all the time and make him jealous.
But I don’t. I tell him the truth.
“I’ve never been asked out much. I’ve always been the girl who sort of did her own thing, I guess. I was never interested in any of the boys in school. And since then….”
I’ve been dreaming about you.
“I’ve been focusing on my work.”
“You don’t date?” he asks.
“Do you?” I counter.
He laughs gruffly, causing Buster to look up from the couch where he’s curled up. “No. I don’t date.”
“What’s funny?”
“Just you, Lauren. You dodged the question.”
“I don’t date,” I tell him, wondering if he cares, knowing I shouldn’t.
“You’ll have to start if you want a family.”
“I know,” I murmur. “Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll make a dating profile on one of those apps.”
His back tightens like all his muscles are getting ready to expand suddenly.
“You’d do that?” he says. “Put yourself out there for casual hookups and bullshit encounters?”
“Who says they’d all be bullshit?” I almost yell, holding the tat gun clear of his back. “Maybe I’ll find somebody who really cares there.”
“You’ll find somebody who wants to use you and then move on to the next woman.”
I almost laugh, almost say it, Like you did with me.
“I don’t see why you care anyway,” I murmur.
“I….”
This is where he could say it, tell me how he feels, how badly he wants me. But instead, he sighs.
“How much longer for this session?” he asks.
“A while.”
I reach up with my free hand, wiping a tear from my eye, pissed at myself for getting so emotional. It’s like he’s messing with my head.
If it ever happened, then he shouldn’t care who I date.
Not that I want to date anyone except for him.
“Great,” he says, and we continue the rest of the session in silence.
CHAPTER
NINE
Silas
I carry the folded table to the door, knowing I have to somehow fix this situation.
I’ve upset my woman with my comments about dating apps, but I couldn’t hold back when I thought about Lauren with another man.
When I commit to her, it will be for life, forever.
Julian’s face flashes up in my mind, his severe frown, his knitted eyebrows.
“How does it feel?” Lauren asks.
She’s back to playing the game, pretending we haven’t gotten heated and haven’t essentially argued.
“It’s fine,” I tell her, aware I’m shirtless, aware Buster hasn’t followed us into the hallway.
We’re here alone.