Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65083 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65083 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 325(@200wpm)___ 260(@250wpm)___ 217(@300wpm)
The best thing I can do for them is stay far away.
My heart feels like a heap of jagged shards in my chest. It’s shattered, and will never be whole again. Huge pieces of it are on the other side of the country, irretrievable.
I tried so hard to keep everything light and casual, and failed completely. In this moment, forced to confront the reality of never seeing them again, I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I’m not just in love with them, like an intense but temporary infatuation fueled by all the great sex; I love them, all three of them, now and forever, with all of my heart.
But that’s my problem, not the men’s. “Don’t worry,” I tell Gilchrist. “I’m not going back to Las Vegas.”
The smile gets wider; the teeth appear again. “The network will be very happy to hear that. We’ll have to send you a nice New Year’s gift.”
“No need.” I can’t wait for him to leave so I can go to my room and cry in peace. Fortunately, he’s as eager to get away as I am to be rid of him, and a minute later I close the door behind him.
“What was that about?” Mom asks as I pass the kitchen.
“Nothing,” I say quietly. “Nothing at all.”
LEXY
Clare Hoffman should be considered for sainthood. When I wrote a very apologetic email to explain that I wouldn’t be returning to Las Vegas for personal reasons, she was unbelievably gracious, even offering to provide a recommendation, should I need one.
That is the one positive thing that’s happened during the past week.
Outside of that, I’ve been mopey at the best of times, and at the worst, I’ve curled into a ball in my bed and soaked my pillow with tears. Or maybe the worst is when the tears won’t even come, when I’m just numb.
My mom’s been pretty understanding. She’s never been the type to say I told you so, and she hasn’t even asked me about my career plans yet. Or any other plans.
Which is good, because my superpower has deserted me. I’m incapable of planning what I want for lunch, let alone anything more complicated. I alternate between tears and apathy, with brief transition periods from one state to the other when I hate myself for being so pathetic.
My only consolation is knowing I did the right thing for my men. And they’ll always be my men, even though I know they aren’t and they never really were. It was all just a fantasy, and the trip back to reality has been awfully rough.
My mom had a few days off during the holidays, but she had to go back to work yesterday. She’ll be off again tomorrow for New Year’s Day, and I don’t know what’s worse—being alone to wallow in my grief, or trying to hide my feelings when she’s home, so she won’t be too concerned about me.
I oscillate between having no appetite and wanting to find comfort in food, and I’m looking through the pantry to see what kinds of Christmas cookies are left when the doorbell rings.
The next door neighbor has visited a couple of times since I’ve been here, and Mom likes to shop for online bargains, so I’m expecting one or the other when I answer the door.
What I find instead are three massive men, achingly beautiful and mightily pissed off.
Even Gage looks stern, and normally-easygoing Thorn is scowling. And Kai? His expression is volcanic, just on the verge of an eruption.
None of them wait for me to invite them in before they storm past me.
Kai turns on me as soon as I close the door behind them. “You left.” He steps forward, jabbing a finger at me. “You left us. And this time, it was your own damn choice.”
I don’t know how to answer him. I’m still trying to make sense of the three of them standing here.
Taking a step backward, I wrap my arms around myself protectively. “Aren’t you supposed to be preparing for your new show?”
“We canceled it,” Kai thunders.
“You what? Why?”
Gage comes up alongside Kai, fire in his eyes. “We found out what the producer told you.”
“Oh.” I glance around the room as if it holds the answers, then look back at him. “How?”
“He told us.” Thorn snorts in contempt. “Idiot. He thought he was doing us a favor.”
My mind is reeling, trying to put together pieces that don’t quite fit. “But … all your plans. Your future expansions—”
“Don’t matter!” Kai roars.
There’s a long moment of silence before I whisper, “Kai.”
“Fuck.” He paces across the room before whirling back toward me. “I’m so fucking mad at you.”
I stare at the floor. “I deserve that.”
“What exactly did he say to you?”
I don’t want to answer. “Why?”
“Because, since when are you a fucking doormat? And why aren’t you yelling back at me?”