Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 78438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78438 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I turn onto my side and grab her, pulling her against my chest and wrap my arms around her tightly. I hold her close to me for what seems like hours until my heartbeat finally slows.
“I wanted to tell you sooner, but I… I just needed this little bit of the old you. Sometimes, I feel like we blend in with everyone else on this street. I want something wild. I want what we used to have because it made me chaotic to have a love like that brewing between us,” Amara whispers to me calmly.
“Then there is school. I’m almost finished, and then I have to find a job. Or am I just going to be a stay at home mom? I’m so stressed about all that, and then I found out about the baby. I didn’t want to have another baby, be stuck inside the house for a few more years, and come home to feel like we are just two ordinary people.” Her words pierce my soul.
“Amara, what are you saying? That you don’t want to have another child?” I ask, worried that she might not want this baby.
“No, not that. I want this baby, I promise. But I also want a career. I don’t just want to be a mom and wife forever, Enzo. I want more, and I don’t want our lives to be so normal. I’m sorry I pushed you to lose control. For that, I am sorry. I just didn’t want everything in our lives to seem so habitual.” Her admission causes me to pull back. She feels as if our lives have become recurrent. That it is the same old thing. That having another child would only set our predictable lives in stone.
“Look at me.” I grip her chin in my hand, forcing her eyes to meet mine. “I’ll never trade the life I have right this fucking second for the life I had before. You, Gia, and that baby inside of you are my life now.
“To me, there is nothing mechanical about us. Our daughter can kick a soccer ball better than any other child on this block. Plus, no other child looks as cute as she does in her tutu. And you… you can do whatever you want to do. Be a piano teacher or a fucking astronaut. Come home and run around with Gia, be completely exhausted and smell like sweat and grass, and I’ll still want to see you bent over with your ass in the air.” I smile at her and watch her cheeks turn a shade of pink.
“I guess I just lost sight of things. My job is fulfilling, and there is always a rush I get from doing it... I didn’t think about what you could possibly be missing. So, for that, I am sorry.” I own my faults and pray she can see the truth in my words.
“I know. At the time, though, I just questioned everything. I wondered if you were bored with me; if you wanted something better, or more than I could give you, and that’s why the passion wasn’t there. I asked myself, in ten years from now, would you still want me… Crave me? When our kids go off to college, would you still love me like you do today? Would you still desire to feel my heart beating against your own? I have no answers because all I felt is less than what I am when compared to what we used to be.” Tears dribble down her cheeks, and I wipe them away, not wanting to see them for a second against her skin.
“I will always love you. I will always be here. I made a vow to love and protect you at all costs. I will never, and I mean never, walk away from you. Do you hear me? I will love you until God decides to take me, and even then, I will love you from the clouds in heaven. Every year we grow older, I fall more and more in love with you, even if we do become ordinary because no one is you.” More tears descend down her cheek.
“I just…” She chokes on a sob. “I just want to know the man I fell in love with is still inside of you, no matter how much we both have changed. But, I’m sorry I tried to make you him again because of my own insecurities. I love you for everything that makes you, you.” I smile and pull her into my chest.
“I love you for you, too, Amara King. And as far as the future, do whatever makes your life feel meaningful,” I whisper into her hair. She tilts her head up, and I place a kiss upon her forehead.
I hold her for a long time, but neither one of us can seem to go to sleep. After a while, I turn and get comfortable on my back, resting my hand on my abdomen. Tilting my head, I take in Amara and can’t help but trail my eyes over her still naked body.