Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 93140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 466(@200wpm)___ 373(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93140 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 466(@200wpm)___ 373(@250wpm)___ 310(@300wpm)
Obviously it was too soon to be talking about anything serious between Grant and me, but the entire thing was said in good fun.
Only Grant’s answer was serious. “I don’t want children.”
All of our smiles and laughter disappeared.
“Really?” I said.
Grant nodded.
A horrible feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. I knew it wasn’t the time or the place for this discussion. Unfortunately, Mia wasn’t going to let go so easily. She waved at Grant. “Lots of people say that—until they meet the right person. You’ll change your mind.”
Grant’s face remained stoic. He looked at me and then down at his breakfast.
There were a few minutes of awkward silence after that. Mia knew I wanted children. And I didn’t just want one; I wanted a few. I’d grown up an only child and always longed for sisters or brothers. Eventually Christian changed the subject back to sports, and he and Grant returned to light conversation. Mia and I exchanged a few glances, and though I joined in the discussion around the table, I couldn’t really get past what I’d learned.
Grant and I hadn’t even been seeing each other long, so I didn’t think it should bother me so much. But the bottom line was, I really liked Grant. Most other ideals and values had a workaround for couples. If one wanted to live in the city and the other the country, you could compromise and have two homes or live on the outskirts of the city where it was a little more suburban. If a husband wanted a stay-at-home wife, and the wife wanted to work, they could compromise on a part-time job. But there wasn’t any middle ground when it came to having a family—you either had one or you didn’t.
I tried my best to put a smile on through the rest of brunch, but Grant’s comment was like a nagging, dull toothache. When it was time to say goodbye, Mia and I hugged.
“Have a great time,” I said. “Send pictures.”
She smiled. “I will. And don’t worry about what Grant said. I’m sure he’ll change his mind. Men don’t know what they want until you show it to them. Well, except a blowjob. They always want a blowjob.”
I smiled back. “You’re right.” Though inside I wasn’t so sure. Something about the way Grant had said the words made him seem pretty sure.
Grant and I had to go back to our room to get our luggage. I hadn’t even realized how quiet I’d been on the elevator ride up or while I packed until he came up behind me in the bathroom. He rubbed my arms as I grabbed my toothbrush, and spoke to my reflection in the mirror. “I didn’t mean to catch you off guard or upset you. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. There’s nothing to be sorry about. Mia put you in that position by talking about her life plans.”
Grant nodded, but our eyes stayed locked. I got the feeling he was waiting for me to say more. So I did.
“Do you…really not want children?”
He nodded.
“Are you sure?”
He frowned and nodded again.
“But you’re so great with Leo.”
Grant guided me to turn around and tilted my chin up so our eyes met directly, rather than through the mirror. “I don’t want children, Ireland.”
“Is it because you were in foster care? Do you mean you don’t want biological children because there are so many kids who need homes?”
He stared into my eyes. “No, I don’t want children at all.”
It felt like a hit to my gut. Because I somehow knew by the look in his eyes that his decision hadn’t been made lightly. We’d had such a great night, and I’d never expected that a moment of teasing this morning at breakfast would bring such an immediate and sudden halt to the excitement of what was growing between us. It was shocking, really.
I looked down. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess it’s better that we have this discussion now than down the road. It’s just that…” I looked up and felt my eyes well. Which seemed ridiculous. This relationship was so new, yet it felt like I’d suffered a loss. “I really want a family someday. Two or three little ones close in age, maybe a golden retriever named Spuds—a real full house. Not tomorrow or anything. But when the time is right.”
Grant nodded. “Of course.” He pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear. “And you deserve to have everything you want.”
I needed some time to think about this. “We should probably get going. We’re past the late checkout time they gave me.”
We packed the rest of our stuff and headed to the car. Both of us were quiet as we got on the road. Grant took my hand and weaved his fingers with mine before lifting it to kiss the top.