Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 84294 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84294 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
“Fuck, Cass,” I groan, letting her go and putting space between us. “Don’t tell me you left because of that.”
“No,” she begs as more tears escape her eyes. “Just hear me out, please.”
I turn away from her as I attempt to get my thoughts in order before turning back and allowing her to continue. She takes another shaky breath. “I was confused after graduation, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I needed a change. So I was talking to Mom one night, and she told me as long as I was happy, it didn’t matter what I was doing. She joked that I could have been a truck driver for all she cared, as long as I was happy. Somewhere along the line, I had gotten it in my head that getting out of Denver was the key to that happiness.”
She needed a change? What the hell? We were weeks away from heading to college, what more of a change could she have needed? “Why didn’t you talk to me about this?” I snap. “Fuck, Cass. If you wanted a different college or city I would have gone with you.”
“I know,” she snaps back.
“What the hell, Cass? This doesn’t make sense.”
She lets out a sigh as she looks back up at me. “I knew you would follow me anywhere, and I couldn’t let that happen,” she explains. “Things with your parents were bad, and I knew you wanted to get away, but you needed to be here. Your dream is to be in the NHL. You needed to go to college and use your scholarship. This was your shot. I would have never forgiven myself had you thrown that away to follow me while I searched for what I wanted.”
I have no response. I can’t even get my thoughts in order to figure out where to start.
“Say something,” she cries.
“I can’t, Cass. I have no idea what to say. You threw away our future because you couldn’t talk to me.”
She hangs her head, though I can’t understand why. Regret maybe? Shame? “It didn’t take me long to realize that I’d made the worst mistake of my life. But by the time I’d realized that, you’d already moved on. You were only a freshman, but you were already making features on ESPN and they made it clear what kind of reputation you had.”
“So, the reason you left had nothing to do with the conversation between me and your dad?” I ask.
“No,” she breathes. “It just made me realize how serious you were about us.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, Jax. I’m sure,” she tells me with the slightest bit of annoyance in her voice at having to repeat herself. “I had to get away, and I couldn’t let you give up your future for me.”
“Babe,” I sigh, stepping up to her and pulling her into my arms. I bury my head in her neck and breathe her in. Her arms wrap around me and she holds me tight, needing the closeness. “All this time, I thought you left because you were done with me. That you were over it, over us.”
She pulls me back and looks into my eyes. “Never,” she says. “How could I ever be over us when I’m still so madly in love with you?”
“Fuck,” I say, getting frustrated with the situation. If she had only talked to me and let me in on what was going on in her head, this whole thing could have been avoided. “So, if you were so unhappy, why didn’t you come home?”
“I couldn’t,” she sighs. “I had already hurt too many people by leaving, and I didn’t want to make that worse by letting them know that I wasn’t happy. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I was too stubborn to admit it.”
Fuck. This woman is my kryptonite.
I crush my lips down on hers, making her gasp for air. She kisses me back and it feels amazing. It’s different from the night we shared a few weeks ago. That was desperate, needy, and a mess of confused emotions, but this . . . This is something that comes from the heart. Something I’m not even sure I know how to describe.
We could have been kissing for seconds or it could have been hours, but she eventually pulls back and rests her forehead against mine. “What’s happening between us, Jax?” she asks.
“Honestly, Cass, I have no idea,” I tell her as my hands tighten on her waist. “I still care for you. Hell, I might even still love you, but I’m not the same man you once knew.”
“Yes, you are,” she insists. “I know you are. The old you is still in there, it’s just clouded by the girls, the reputation, and this persona you have as the captain, but that’s not you. I know it’s not.”