Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 124005 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 620(@200wpm)___ 496(@250wpm)___ 413(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124005 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 620(@200wpm)___ 496(@250wpm)___ 413(@300wpm)
Her expression makes my chest feel like it’s caving in.
“I didn’t say yes because I was in love with him. I said it to protect the team and our careers. He did it to prevent me from being the laughingstock of our high school reunion. I never even thought I’d get married, let alone have everyone we know expecting me to plan a wedding. My moms have already created an inspo board. Dallas’s mom has a literal binder filled with wedding things. All the reasons are wrong, and it just taints everything.”
“Oh, Hemi, I’m so sorry. I wish it was different.” Shilpa puts an arm around her shoulders and gives her a side hug.
“Me too. I don’t know how to fix this. I’m not at a place where marriage is even a thought.”
Ash startles me, and the girls turn around. I force a smile and take the seat next to Wills, but I’m a million miles away. Everything I’ve been afraid of is true. I’m in love with her, so ready to spend the rest of my life with her, and she doesn’t know if she wants any part of forever with me.
“Is everything okay?” Wills asks as the band comes back on.
“Everything’s great.” I kiss her shoulder.
She gives me an uncertain look. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, honey.” The lie is covered by a guitar riff.
I don’t hear the rest of the set. And I’m lost in my own head on the way home.
“We just passed your place.” Wills thumbs over her shoulder.
I grip the steering wheel, my throat tight as I pull up to her building and put the car in park.
“Dallas? What’s going on?” she asks, her voice unsteady.
“I overheard your conversation with Shilpa,” I say.
“What conversation?”
“The one about not being excited to be engaged to me,” I say to the windshield.
“Shit. Dallas—”
“I don’t want to lock you into something you don’t want,” I say softly.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you—”
“We’re not on the same page, Wills. We’re not even reading from the same book.” And there’s a good chance we never will be.
“Can you look at me and say what you’re going to say, please?” Her voice wavers.
I steel myself, aware that I’m hurting her in ways I never wanted to, not again. But I can’t keep forcing her into a relationship she didn’t ask for. “I love you so fucking much, Wilhelmina. With my whole goddamn heart. But I can’t be engaged to you when I know you don’t want to be engaged to me. It hurts too much.”
“That’s not—”
“Do you love me the way I love you? Like spend the rest of our lives together?” My question is quiet and without judgement.
Her silence drags between us in the car. “I just—"
I hate to argue with her, but I have to get this out. “I get it.” I honestly do, especially with how ecstatic Rix and Tristan are. The person he loves returns that love. “I wish I could take so many things back. I shouldn’t have proposed to you. It was reactive and shortsighted. I shouldn’t have forced you into this with me. I should have owned what I’d done, regardless of what it did to my career. I got caught up in the same shit I did as a teenager, taking the easy way out, and I pulled you into it with me. And then I let you do what you always do and smooth my mistakes over. I won’t do that to you anymore. It’s unfair, and I’ve already hurt you enough.”
“Dallas…” Her voice cracks.
I take in her sad, beautiful face, wishing I could be what she needs. “I want to be with someone who loves me the same way I love them. I’ve had all this time to be in love with you, Wills. All these years to want this with you. I can’t force you to feel the same way about me.” My eyes sting, and wetness tracks down my cheek. I scrub a hand over my face, swallow the pain, and push on. Because I need to do this. For her. For me. For the future I want but can’t have. “This, the way you feel, it’s my fault. I made it this way between us from the very beginning, starting when we were kids. I can’t hold you hostage like this anymore, Wills, living a lie. I won’t. I’m so thankful for the time we’ve had together, but I know I’m not what you want. You would never have chosen me. I pushed you into this, and I’m absolving you of it. And don’t for a second think this is all about you, either. I’m protecting myself as much as I’m saving you from a lifetime of lying about who we are to each other.” I fight not to look away, but God, it’s torture watching her bottom lip tremble. “Loving you like this hurts, Wills. So fucking much. Knowing that I’m alone in the way I feel about you…” I shake my head. “I can’t fall any harder than I have already. I’m not the right guy for you.”