Total pages in book: 17
Estimated words: 15942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 80(@200wpm)___ 64(@250wpm)___ 53(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 15942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 80(@200wpm)___ 64(@250wpm)___ 53(@300wpm)
“Yes.”
At least we were clear on everything.
After long minutes of thundering silence, I told him to go.
“Why would I go now?”
I shook my head. “This, me knowing, changes nothing. I mean, it was awesome of your mom to hop on the family jet and make the trip from LaGuardia to O’Hare, but nothing is fixed. You still left, I still stayed… we have completely different lives.”
He shoved his hands down in the pockets of his jeans and moved closer to the bed. “I want you to come home with me.”
“I could never do that.”
“Why not?”
I shook my head. “Because what am I, above all else?”
“I don’t know. What?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t fuckin’ know,” he growled, suddenly irritable.
“Yeah, you do.”
“Evan, I––”
“I’m a romantic. You know that.”
He nodded. “Yeah, yeah… I do know that.”
“So you know that us, together, that was done so long ago.”
He cleared his throat. “I don’t accept that.”
I sighed heavily, owning up to my piece of the mess.
“Some of it, more than half of it, the reason we broke up… yeah, most of it was how you thought your dad felt and so in turn how your family would feel, but some of it was me. I loved you too much, too hard, and it was suffocating, so you got rid of me. I get it. I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were stupid.”
I shrugged, hoping to piss him off, hoping he’d go away so I could be alone to process the last ten years of my life.
He looked at me hard. “I think it’s great that you know everything.”
“Not everything.” I gave him a slight grin. “But I do know the difference between being in love and being in lust and being a convenience.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You’re such an ass.”
“Sorry,” I said even though I wasn’t.
“No, you’re not. Don’t say––you know I hate automatic apologies.”
I probably knew that better than anyone.
“I think I should go.”
I nodded. “I think you should too.”
“I thought you needed me.”
“I used to.” I felt the sting behind my eyes. “Not anymore.”
He put on his leather jacket, adjusted it, and then faced me. “If you change your mind, will you call me?”
“Yeah,” I promised, wiping a tear away.
He shrugged. “I always end up leaving.”
“It was good you came. It means a lot.”
“Did it?”
“Of course,” I conceded, motioning him toward me. “Gimme a hug.”
He moved fast, and his arms were wrapped around me, his face in my shoulder. “I’ll say it so you have it to hold over me… I want you back.”
“No you don’t.” I smiled, leaning my cheek in his hair. “You just got nostalgic when you heard I was hurt. It’ll pass.”
“No.” He pulled back, straightening up, turning for the door. “I want you. I’ll call you, all right?”
“Okay.” I spoke to his back as he left the room. It was a very dramatic exit. I was sure he was pleased. For someone who so hated theatrics in others, he loved performing himself.
THREE
Iwas having the weirdest few days. When I woke up from my nap after six that evening, having spent the day thinking about Dixon Bain and wondering what my life would look like if the man had stuck around, I was surprised to find Eric Downey in my room.
“Hey.” I smiled at him, wondering what my last fuck buddy was doing here. We had met at a party, and because I was drunk and he was horny, we had ended up in bed. In the morning, as uncomfortable as he had looked, desperate to get away from me, I had been certain that the assistant SA and I would not cross paths again. He was, by all accounts, a closet case.
“You’re awake.” He smiled at me, crossing the room to stand beside my bed. “I’m so glad.”
What the hell. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?”
He cleared his throat. “I wanted to know if you weren’t doing anything for New Year’s, if I could take you out.”
Tall, dark, handsome man, why on earth would I say no? And yet, it was the first word that came to mind. “No,” I said flatly. “My life is in a bit of a flux at the moment, but I so appreciate you coming by to ask.”
He was surprised; it was all over his face. “In flux?”
“Yes.”
“In what way?”
“Pardon me?” Who asked that? Just get out of there. If our places were reversed, I would have been gone already.
“Do you have an actual date planned with anyone?”
“I’m not sure what’s going on at the moment,” I told him, which sounded weird, but why was he pushing? “Hence the flux comment. But I’m in the middle of something right now, and I need to sort it out before I do anything else.”
“Something with a guy?”
No. With a llama. “Yes,” I said, trying to sound gracious.