Total pages in book: 17
Estimated words: 15942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 80(@200wpm)___ 64(@250wpm)___ 53(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 15942 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 80(@200wpm)___ 64(@250wpm)___ 53(@300wpm)
“I would rather never fuck you again than hurt you right now.”
“Then maybe you should just go,” I said, because I was committed to the line of conversation at that point. I couldn’t back down or show any fear. He had to think I didn’t care one way or another.
“No, thanks.” He shook his head. “I can’t do that. I’m just gonna torture myself and stick around.”
“Torture?”
“Yes, this is torture for me, but I deserve it, so that’s okay.”
I sighed deeply because it was time for my confession. “I didn’t fight.”
He moved and sat down beside me on the bed.
I shrugged, but my eyes never left him. “I mean, I didn’t fight for you. I just got up on my high horse and was like, if I’m not good enough for him, then fuck him.”
His eyes were locked on mine.
“I could have fought with you, for you… I could have made you let me talk to your father, and everything would have been cleared up ten years ago instead of us losing so––” His sharp intake of breath cut me off. “What?”
He cleared his throat. “You were saying that we lost a lot of time, and so that means that maybe you want that time back, and if you do want that time back, then maybe you want some time now.”
“Your mind is really scary.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“You think just because it’s Christmas that I’m gonna be overly sentimental.”
“Where I’m concerned, I would be really pissed if you weren’t at least a little sentimental.”
I nodded before leaning in close to him.
“Quit,” he warned me. I kissed where his jaw muscle was flexing. “You need to stop.” He tried to smile, shifting to get up.
“No.”
“Evan.”
I reached for him, my hand slipping behind his neck as I drew him toward me. I kissed him slowly, and I heard his breath catch before I parted his lips with my tongue, slipping it inside his mouth. The moan was full of agony, and I smiled as I leaned back to look at him.
“You’re trying to kill me.”
I took his face in my hands and eased him back to me. I kissed him with everything I had. He had to know how much I both wanted and needed him, at least for the moment.
“What?” I asked him after ending the kiss.
“You gotta quit.”
I leaned in and kissed him again, long and hard and heated with more of my tongue. Finally I let him go, but only when he was panting for air.
He took a deep breath, his face flushed, his breath catching, his bottom lip trembling. “You listen really well, Kano.”
I smiled lazily, the effect I had on him obvious. “Yes, I know.”
“Christ.”
“What?”
“I crave you like a drug,” he said matter-of-factly, and I noticed that he didn’t look at all happy about it. “I have since I was nineteen fuckin’ years old, and it hasn’t changed one little bit. What the fuck is that?”
I chuckled.
“Baby, please.” He looked like he was in pain. “Just lie down and––”
“Shut up.” I grabbed a handful of the long-sleeve T-shirt he was wearing. “Take this off.”
He just stared at me.
“You want me to beg?” I asked him, stroking his throat with the back of my fingers.
He pulled it off roughly and threw it on the floor.
“Lie down.”
“Ev––”
“Quit,” I grunted, cutting him off. “You talk too much.”
He did as I asked, throwing pillows off the bed as he moved. I watched the muscles in his arms cord, admired his ass in his tight jeans and the way the sunlight caught all the gold in his hair. He was so sexy and beautiful, and it seemed like, if I wanted, if I just said the words, that he could belong to me all over again. I ran my hand over his back.
“What?”
“Nothing. Lie down.”
He lay on his back, and I stretched out beside him, propping myself up so I could look down into his beautiful eyes, careful of the angle so I wouldn’t rip the stitches in my chest.
“Evan, what can I do to help?”
“You’ve already done it,” I told him. “Who knew that this Christmas I was finally getting closure? That’s quite the gift, Mr. Bain.”
“Could you just cut the shit? We both know you haven’t been pining away for me for––”
“You don’t know anything,” I confessed, staring down into his eyes. The green was so dark at that moment, so clear. “You were my first everything. First guy I ever slept with, first guy I ever lived with, first guy I ever loved. Everyone that came after has been compared to you, and the way it ended… I never saw that coming.”
“Evan––”
“It’s okay.” I grinned down at him. “We’re both at fault: you gave up and I didn’t fight. We’re both idiots.”
He put a hand through my hair and trailed his fingers down my throat. “I don’t want to be an idiot anymore.”