Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107630 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
When I glance up, everyone’s eyes are zeroed in on our interlocked hands. Joy’s smiling wide. Everyone else, not so much.
“Dad, I—” I try to say, but he holds up a finger, silencing me.
“The most important part of that is the ‘do it right,’ you know?” he tells me. “Don’t try to build a forever on shaky ground. If Roy isn’t willing to be a partner when things are easy breezy, he sure as shit ain’t gonna do it when it’s hard. And as much as I wish I could tell you it ain’t, life’s damn hard, honey.”
“What?” I mutter. “You’re not mad at me?”
Mom and Dad lock eyes, then turn back to me.
Dad speaks first, his voice low and emotional, amused and angry but also full of love. He likes to claim he’s a simple man, but Dad’s got layers and levels that’d put the Empire State Building to shame. “Oh, I’m mad as hell that you didn’t come to us. That you didn’t tell that boy to man up and handle the cake, or the flowers, or whatever it is you needed him to do. That you pushed your own feelings so far down that you almost said I do to someone you don’t love.” He ticks the things he’s mad about off on his thick fingers and then points at me. “Yeah, I’m mad at you. But that don’t mean I don’t love you, Hope. It means I expected better from you.”
Shit. The only thing worse than pissing your parents off is disappointing them, and I can see the disapproval in Dad’s eyes.
“Hope . . .” Guess it’s Mom’s turn to whack at my heart like a piñata. Spoiler alert: There’s no candy inside. Just broken glass.
“Hope, you’ve been with Roy for so long, and we’ve watched you both grow up. Sometimes, we worried about you; other times, we worried about him. But you’re not kids anymore. To make a marriage work, both of you have to be willing to grow together. It’s not always at the same pace or even in the same direction, but you do it together. Or you don’t do it at all.”
Mom talks like she’s baby-stepping me somewhere uncomfortable, like the time she asked if I was really sure I wanted to know the truth about Santa Claus. Another spoiler alert: I didn’t, and was mad at her for the whole month of December for ruining Christmas. But Christmas morning, instead of being awed by the magic of a mythical guy flying around the world to deliver presents, I saw Mom smiling at our reactions, and then I really understood. She was the magic. But I don’t think she can wave a wand to fix this.
“I loved him,” I confess quietly, the past tense coming naturally. Even as I say it, I grip Ben’s hand, not wanting him to let go.
“We know you did, honey,” Dad agrees. “But love changes too. Sometimes it’s white-hot and all-consuming. Other times, it’s cozy and comfortable. And everywhere in between, sometimes at the same time. But what it’s not, and should never be, is lonely. It sounds like you’ve been lonely for a long time.” He presses his lips together, then adds, “A relationship—a marriage—isn’t one person’s responsibility to bear. It’s too much; that’s why there’s two of you to carry that weight.”
He does understand. They both do.
The relief lets me breathe fully, something I don’t think I’ve truly done since long before the wedding.
Mom comes closer, sitting on the arm of the couch to grip my knee. “The look on your face when you were running . . .” She pauses, her emotions bubbling up, and Dad clears his throat like he’s a bit choked up too. Tears glitter in her eyes as she confesses, “It scared us so badly. That moment reframed everything we thought we knew—about you, about Roy, about the two of you together.” She goes quiet, her eyes boring into mine. “All we’ve ever wanted was for you kids to be happy, and your unhappiness was obvious to anyone with eyes. We love you no matter what, and we want what you want.”
Their support means everything to me. I don’t know why I doubted it. They’ve always had my back and done everything with my best interests in mind. I guess I worried this would be the one thing that went too far and pushed them past the point of love.
Tears burn at the corners of my eyes as I look at Mom and then wrap her up in another hug.
She’s amazing. Both she and Dad are.
“We want what you want, to a certain extent,” Shepherd amends. It’s the first thing he’s said, and when I glance at him, he’s giving Ben the stink eye. To me, he asks, “What exactly did you mean when you said the conversation ‘didn’t go well’ with Roy?”