Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Instead, we watched some of Wayne’s DVDs, ate ice cream, and reflected on our time with Scottie. It took everything in me not to blow my resolve, but somehow I managed to get through the night without fucking up.
***
The following morning, Carly made us coffee and breakfast, but I had very little appetite. When we exchanged addresses, the fact that we were leaving each other started to feel all too real. I dreaded going back to my life in Chicago, which felt so empty after the past few months here.
The plan was for Carly to drop me off at the airport and continue on her long road trip back to California.
Last night’s struggle had continued into this morning. Every second I had to restrain myself from pulling her close, dragging her into the bedroom one last time, and showing her how badly I still wanted her—a proper goodbye. I’d never wanted Carly more. But if last night was bad timing to lose control, this morning would’ve been even worse. Now I had a flight to catch, and there was no turning back. She deserved to return to her life without me complicating everything in the eleventh hour. Carly deserved so much more than to be strung along by me. I just wished my heart wasn’t aching with the knowledge that whatever we’d had was officially ending the moment she dropped me at the airport.
The drive to the airport in Manchester was over an hour, but somehow it seemed to take minutes. Almost the entire ride, I debated changing my mind and offering to accompany her on the road trip to California. The idea of her traveling so far alone didn’t sit well with me. I was worried about her, tempted to change my flight and fly from L.A. back to Chicago.
But I wouldn’t be able to trust myself; a change of plans would just be an excuse to spend more time with her and risk giving in to temptation.
Carly parked her car at the airport drop-off area. Everything in me wanted to lean in and kiss her, but instead I reached over and threaded my fingers in her hair.
“Please be careful driving,” I said.
“I will.”
The sadness in her eyes was palpable. She looked exactly the way I felt. Neither of us seemed to want to leave, yet here we were, about to say goodbye.
“Josh...” she finally said.
Unable to help it, I brought her hand to my mouth and gently kissed it. “Yeah, baby?”
“Do you think it would be too much for you if I also came back to Woodsboro next Christmas? You know, to see Scottie?”
“Too much for me why?”
“I don’t know...”
I played dumb, but I knew what she meant. Anything could happen in a year. She and I seeing each other again would mean inevitable awkwardness if one of us had moved on. I needed to be mature about this because I didn’t want to lose touch with her. I needed to know she was happy, and I needed to believe I’d see her again, even if that might be painful.
“Of course, I would love that. So would Scottie.”
“I’d really like to make it happen,” she said.
The potential of seeing her again next Christmas both terrified me and gave me something to look forward to all at once. I’d either be dreading it or counting every damn day until then. “I’d better go…” I said, forcing myself to let go of her hand.
She followed me out of the car and stood across from me on the curb. “Have a safe flight.”
When I took her into my arms for the last time, I realized just how badly I’d been lying to myself. Not only did my heart come alive, but all the feelings I’d been harboring flooded to the surface. My heart hadn’t gotten the message that whatever we had was over. It was still very much in the middle of falling in love with someone it could never have. I wrapped my hands around her face and gave her a firm but chaste kiss, not allowing my tongue to taste her for even a second.
Carly was the first to pull back. I watched as she returned to the driver’s seat of her car. I waved and blew her a kiss. Then I forced myself to turn around and make my way through the sliding glass doors. I turned back one last time to find her still waiting for me to disappear from sight. I blew her another kiss and vowed not to look back again.
Even with all of the sadness in my chest, as I walked toward the escalator to check in, I had no regrets. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about our time together and what I’d learned about my capacity to open my heart. I’d thought I was dead inside, but Carly Garber had brought me back to life, and for that I’d always be grateful.