Total pages in book: 56
Estimated words: 54148 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 271(@200wpm)___ 217(@250wpm)___ 180(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 54148 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 271(@200wpm)___ 217(@250wpm)___ 180(@300wpm)
“Definitely.” Mary turns to me. “What about you, McKenzie?”
“Can’t say I’ve given it any thought.” I try to catch Hollywood’s gaze, but she seems to be going out of her way to avoid looking in my direction—kind of like how she avoided telling me Mary was coming to dinner.
Teagan, who never runs out of things to say, seems content to fuss over Joey’s sauce-stained bib.
“If you girls want,” Mary says, “I can pass along my friend’s business card.”
“That’d be great.” Hollywood looks at me, and the contrition on her face mirrors the betrayal I feel in my chest.
Rather than tell me privately that she thinks I need to go back to therapy, she chose to orchestrate this little...intervention?
“No, thanks,” I tell Mary.
“That’s all right. I’ll give the card to Holly in case you change your mind—”
“Are you sure, Kenzie?” Hollywood rests both hands on her belly. “It’s just, your nightmares have been getting worse and I thought—”
“You thought it would be a good idea to ambush me?”
She winces. “That’s not what this is.”
“Then what is it, exactly? Because it feels like my best friend lied to me about the real point behind this dinner.”
“McKenzie,” Mary says evenly. “I know it can be difficult to talk about things that trigger you.”
“Yeah, and I already talked about them with the first counselor.”
“True. But that was a while ago, and it sounds like you might still be struggling with some unresolved trauma.”
“Nothing is unresolved,” I say. “Hoyt Renier is dead. It can’t get more resolved than that. Is it so fucking abnormal that I’d have nightmares about the man who tried to murder me?”
Joey slaps a hand over his mouth.
I glance over at Teagan and sigh. “Sorry.”
She shrugs. “It’s fine. He’s a goldfish.”
“It is absolutely normal to dream about significant life events,” Mary says. “But dreams can often be the mind’s way of alerting us to things we might not be fully cognizant of in our waking life.”
“It’s not just about Hoyt, Kenzie,” Hollywood says softly. “I don’t think you’ve let yourself process what happened before all that. You know, with...him.”
I stop breathing. My spine bows. I suddenly feel like I have to pee, but I fear if I try to stand up, I’ll collapse in on myself.
“This has nothing to do with that,” I say, my voice low and firm.
Hollywood nods. “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think these nightmares—”
“Forget the stupid nightmares.” I swallow past the stiffness in my throat. “What are you trying to do, Hollywood?”
“I’m trying to help you.”
“We’re all here to help,” Teagan says.
“I don’t need your help! I’m fine.”
“Why don’t we all take a deep breath.” The level of concern in Mary’s voice makes me want to shove butter knives into my ears. “We don’t have to talk about this now. Let’s just finish the meal.”
It feels as though someone has swapped out my stomach for a bucket of live eels. I couldn’t clean my plate if I wanted to. What’s more, I can’t imagine sitting at this table again tomorrow knowing the person seated across from me—who’s supposed to be my friend—is thinking about what an emotional wreck I am. Not when that same person is always telling me not to say shit like that about myself.
I already know I’m a mess. I don’t need to dredge up old crap that doesn’t matter anymore. That ugly time in my life is over. I’m doing the best I can right now. If that’s not good enough for Holly and Cal, then there’s only one thing to do.
I pick up my plate and carry it into the kitchen, ignoring the voices calling me back to the table. I’ve barely scraped my dinner into the trash when I hear footfalls.
“I’m so sorry, Kenzie.” Hollywood rushes over to me. “Forget everything I said. I shouldn’t have asked Mary to come.”
“You should’ve told me you invited her.”
“You’re right. It was a stupid idea.”
I take my dish to the sink and begin rinsing it with hot water. Bracing my forearms on the counter, I inhale a steadying breath as Hollywood moves closer.
“I didn’t realize how disruptive my nightmares have become,” I say. “Though I probably should have seen this coming after what you and Cal said yesterday.”
“Kenzie, please—”
“You won’t have to deal with them anymore because Austin offered to let me rent one of his guestrooms.”
She shakes her head. “No, I don’t want you to leave.”
“Well, I want to go.” I shut off the water and turn to face her. “I don’t even know why I stayed this long, because it’s become so fucking clear that whatever vision you and Cal have for your future, it doesn’t include me.”
“That’s not true.” Her lip trembles. “You belong here—”
“As long as I don’t wake the baby.”
Hollywood holds her head in her hands as the tears start to fall. I suddenly feel like the world’s biggest asshole for ruining a pregnant woman’s makeup.