Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 80197 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 321(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80197 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 321(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Mom chooses that moment to return with a tray of coffee and blueberry muffins. She fumbles with the tray, and it drops to the table, sloshing some of the liquid. "Oh…look what I've done." She bustles back to the kitchen, and Lina and I exist in a weird stare-off.
"Of course, it's yours," she says.
"You cheated on me. It must be his."
"He had a vasectomy, and we used condoms, so no. It can't be his." She shrugs like the cheating was nothing and describes another man's sexual function as though it's something normal to do.
My heart skips in my chest. Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. My stomach lurches, and I have to swallow the bile that threatens to rise. This can't be happening. I got away. I saw what this woman was like, and I left, and now she's trying to pull me back in.
My legs feel like they might go out from under me. The only thing keeping me standing, keeping me functioning, is Celine's presence. I don't want her to see me weak. I don't want her to witness me lose my cool or, worse, see how fucking broken this situation is making me.
"I want a paternity test," I say.
Lina's spine stiffens, and she smooths her long chestnut hair. Her tongue slicks over her teeth, pushing out her reddened lips. Mom returns with a cloth and the grayest pallor to her face. Upstairs, Gabriella laughs loudly, in another world where people aren't being trapped by their psycho ex-girlfriends into a lifetime of misery.
Because that's what this will be. If the baby is mine, my life is ruined. She'll use it to embed her nails into me permanently. She'll control the child to control me. I'll have to live in Germany because there is no way I'll leave a child of mine to be raised solely by a woman like this. My dad chose another woman over his family and ended up dead before he ever confessed his secret. There is no way I'd put a child of mine through what I went through. They'll know I love them and am prepared to sacrifice my life for them.
"Of course." She says it like she's confident that nothing will come of it. She says it as though she knows for sure that I'm the father.
I want to sit down. I need her to leave so I can get my head together.
Mom hovers like she doesn't know what to do. This woman is a guest, and Mom is hospitable to a fault, but this woman is obviously not my friend. Mom knows I wouldn't be standing across the room as stiff as a plank of wood if this woman was someone I care about.
Celine's hand is warm in mine, and her closeness makes me want to rewind time to the moments when we were singing in the car, laughing, and joking, where happiness felt like a thing that was possible. I could dwell in that moment forever if I knew that what came next was this.
A noose around my neck.
Dreading that my first child might be on its way into the world because its mother would be the worst kind of person, capable of ruining its life like she ruined mine.
"But the test will have to wait until it's born because there are risks." Her tone is smooth and confident.
"When's that?"
"Five months." Lina stands and makes her way closer, and I'm reminded of the school tarantula I looked after in the summer holidays. It had a way of walking that gave me the creeps.
She touches my arm and peers down her nose at Celine as though she's hoping she'll just disappear by wishing. "I know this is a lot to understand, but it's a good thing, yes? We were happy once. We can be happy again. I made some mistakes, I know. But with a baby, I won't make the same mistakes again." Her smile, that's all teeth and thin lips, could turn me into dust.
The audacity of her to give me this speech while I'm holding another woman's hand isn't lost on Celine. Her fingers tighten around mine, and I feel she's ready to unleash. I squeeze her hand gently, urging her to keep calm.
"That isn't going to happen." I shift on my feet, my fight-or-flight instinct telling me to run as far away from this toxic woman as I can. She touches her stomach again, and the panic I feel that it could be my child contained inside her sends a trickle of sweat down my back.
Her eyes narrow into the same slits that I remember so well from when I confronted her about the rumors. There was no shame. No apology for sleeping with another man. There was just anger that I found out and rage that I dared to ask her about it.